http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/...jpg?1318992465

Paddy was a youthful and hard working Irishman at a Coastal village in Ireland. Daily he would pole a heavy old punt out to sea then work a heavy iron grapple to bring up the sand oysters which he sold to the local ice works. He was a man of regular habits he always arrived home each day at a certain time. Sadly, Paddy did not realise the heavy grappling was taking a toll on a faulty heart. One day he failed to come home so his wife contacted the Police to investigate him being missing. They rowed out and found Paddy dead in the punt, beside him a huge grapple full of oysters he'd tried to hoist aboard. Headlines the next day in the 'Irish Times Newspaper', said.........................................










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OYSTERS KILPATRICK !!!!

This guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.



When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.



The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to.




I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say,
'99'.

The old guy obeys and says,
"99".
The doctor says, "Great", now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say,
'99".
Again, the old guy says,
'99'."

The doctor said, “Very good”.
Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly.

I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way.
Now take a deep breath and say,
'99'.
The old guy begins,
"One...
two…
three…"

How to get to Heaven from Ireland : A true story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher.
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
I asked them, ' If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and
gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven? ' ' NO! the children answered.

If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?' Again, the answer was ' NO! '

If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?

Again, they all answered ' NO! '

I was just bursting with pride for them.

I continued, ' Then how can I get into heaven? '

A little boy shouted out: "YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN ' DEAD...."

WOOT
Hey layback, 50 pages :cool:

Technology isn't always a good thing...


A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He tests it at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."

Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."

The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."



The robot slaps the mother.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials
for his home. She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw
and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factually...

'I think the man would have said - 'Well, F#ck me!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room.

And to go with that, you need to have the parts you are going to fit with the tools: KaleCoAuto For all those hard to find parts! :D