My wife was screaming at me: "Leave!! Get out of this house!" she ordered.

As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

So I turned around and replied "So now you want me to stay?"

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
But she belonged to someone else...


One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, 'I'll give you a $100 if you let me
have sex with you. But the girl said NO.


Johnny said, 'I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. '


She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
Pants down.'

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.


Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.



She responded, 'The bastard used coins!'

Catholic Priest :


An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating

He said, "What are you doing father?"

"It's called masturbating” the priest replied, "You'll be doing this soon."

"Why father ?" he asked

"Because my wrist is killing me” the priest replied

Today I saw a homeless man holding a sign that said "why live in a $300k home when I can live under a 3 million dollar bridge?"

how is this thread not a sticky yet?
hahahaha!!!!!!!

Its kind of like the relative that no one wants to admit being related to.

An old man walks into the barbershop for shave and a
haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all
his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the
shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to
spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that
was the cleanest shave he's had in years.


But he wanted to know what would have happened if he
had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied,

"Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."