thats great,keep them coming.

SCARY ......


Statistics show that 25% of women are on medication for mental illness.







That's scary.............. it means 75% are running around with no bl##dy medication at all !!

How to Offend Everyone



* I'm living next door to a Muslim couple at the moment.

They have 3 little “brat” kids and they've challenged me to a water fight in the back yard,

So I'm just writing to you while the kettle boils !

XXX

Can you spare just $5.00 ?

Ranjitu is a 9yr old boy living in Zambia.

He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to

school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal..

If you send us just $5.00, we will send you the video- its hilarious.

XXX



* I've caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, "Good morning

You ugly prick." It's not yours is it?

XXX



* I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations.

Just had one from the ********** bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful.

XXX



* Been to the optometrist today - he told me I was colour blind. I'm

I’m rather worried now that some of my buddies could be black.

If you are, Can you delete my e-mail address ?

XXX



* There's a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market:

Trycoxagain.

xxx



*In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point.

The question I got wrong was, “Where do women mostly have curly hair?”

Apparently, it's Africa.

xxx



*One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in Cells.

It appears that Aboriginals and their cousins is not the correct answer.



xxx





*My wife told me I was no longer romantic so I booked a table for the

Two of us on Valentine's Night.

Problem was she not interested in Snooker & Darts.

xxx



*There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Bondi, but I've been

banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.

xxx



*You can justifiably say lots of bad things about paedophiles,

but at least they drive slowly past schools.

xxx



*A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.

I asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a moustache."

They're about as politically correct as our politicians :) Love it!

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH






A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little Ralphy.




He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'




The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking..'




Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.




There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:




One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.




The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?'




The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'




To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'







LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)







Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.




'Why?' asks the father?




'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.




'But that's right!' says his dad.




'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''




'What's the f...... difference?' asks the father.




'That's what I said!'










LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH







Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'




RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate..'




Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'




Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'







LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)







One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.




First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'




'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.




'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'




She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.




'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''







LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER







Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.

After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'




Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'




The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'

Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.

I have a little Satnav
It sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are

I have a little Satnav
I've had it all my life
It does more than the normal one
My Satnav is my wife

It gives me full instructions
On exactly how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour" it says
"And you're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene

It lists the vehicles just in front
It lists those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear

I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice

It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house
Makes sure I'm properly fed
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!

You are in for a surprise..................................???????? ????????????






Some Seniors as well as younger folks might be interested in this site.

I normally don't pass on any rude or nude stuff (though it depends on what you define as rude.

I accidentally found this site (after looking half the night).

I feel that you're old enough and mature enough to handle this. Click on:


http://mr-desi.com/fun_pages/freeporn.html

Just a quick note. No Irish divers were harmed during the printing of this joke..................















After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic’s swimming pool was still full...............

An Irishman moves to the USA and finally attends his first baseball game.
The first batter approached the batters' box, took a few swings and then
hits a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming, "Run, run".

The next batter hits a single and the Irishman listened as the crowd again
cheered, "Run, run". The Irishman enjoyed the game and began screaming with
the fans.

The fifth batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called "Walk"
and the batter started his slow trot to first base. The Irishman stood up
and screamed, "R--r-r-run ye bastard, run!"

The people around him began laughing. Embarrassed, the Irishman sat back
down. A friendly fan noted the man's embarrassment, leaned over and
explained--"He can't run. He's got four balls." The Irishman stood up and
screamed, "Walk with pride

Computer games don't affect kids. If Pacman would have affected us as children, we would now run around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetetive music.........

When two meth addicts go out, is it considered speed dating?

YOU HAVE TO LOVE A GOOD NURSE

A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week."

Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?

Unwind and be happy



Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals.




1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.



2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.



3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.



4. No one knows your secret place.



5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.



6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.



7. A beautiful red sunset appears to float in the water that is so clear you can easily make out the face of Julia Gillard, the person you are holding under water.



There!! See!! It really does work.



You're smiling already.






I’M FEELING BETTER ALREADY

RETIRED HUSBAND
>
> After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
> Target.
>
> Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
> get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she
> loves to browse.
>
> Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
> Target:
>
> Dear Mrs. Harris ,
>
> Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
> our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
> of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris , are
> listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
>
> 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
> people's carts when they weren't looking.
>
> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
> 5-minute intervals.
>
> 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
> women's restroom.
>
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
> voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
> employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
> Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management
> to lose time and costing the company money.
>
> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms
> on lay-by.
>
> 6.. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
>
> 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
> children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
> blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
>
> 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
> crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were
> called.
>
> 9... September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as
> a mirror while he picked his nose.
>
> 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
> asked the clerk where the antidepressants were..
>
> 11... October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
> humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
>
> 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
> by using different sizes of funnels.
>
> 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
> through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
>
> 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
> assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!
> 15.. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is
> the fitting room?
>
> And last, but not least:
>
> 16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
> awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
>
> One of the clerks passed out.

That is hilarious,I can't wait to go shopping with the misses now.

Daddy's car in the woods?

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.

'Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was
giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt.Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...'

At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, let's save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs.'

Mummy fainted!

Moral:
Sometimes you need to just shut the f### up and listen to the whole story
before you interrupt!

Winnie the Pooh was based on psychological problems. Winnie has an eating disorder. Piglet suffers from anxiety.Eeyore has major depression. Tigger has ADHD.Rabbit has OCD. & Christopher Robin must be a drug addict if his stuffed animals talk to him

THE FIRST OLYMPICS JOKE?



It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London .

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they

Haven't got tickets.

The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and

Walks to the gate. " McTavish , Scotland ," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over

His shoulder. " Waddington-Smith , England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks

It under his arm.

"O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."

Children Are Quick

TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven!!!
A very angry Teacher: Where the do you get seven from?!?!?
Very angry Johnny: Because I've already got a f**kin' cat at home!!!

Aussie bloke...strewth, I'm so aussie I even know the name of the swagman in 'waltzing matilda'. His name is Andrew....

"Andy's ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong"

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
'Mum', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.

The love story of Ralph and Edna...
>
> Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
> doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna
> were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were
> walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into
> the deep end.
>
> He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
>
> Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled
> him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic
> act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as
> she now considered her to be mentally stable.
>
> When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news
> and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were
> able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the
> life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays
> sound mindedness.
>
> The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe
> belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
>
> Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
> How soon can I go home?'
>

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport.

"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.

"German," she replies.





"Occupation?"



"No, just here for a few days."

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay
of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you
been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he
poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to
go up stairs and give him the good news..

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

i'm at work reading this... my boss wasnt' exactly impressed with my uncontrolled ammount of laughing.. rooooffffffllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You should be working at work!! ;)
Did your boss find it funny as well? :D

My kind of teacher



This one is dedicated to all my friends who ever taught school, parented children or served their country.

A former Sergeant, having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started, he injured his back.

He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.

The punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest.

There was dead silence.

He had no trouble with discipline that year.

Lunch With the Girls

A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner.

Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View
restaurant because they had only $6.00 among them and Jimmy Johnson,
the cute boy in Social Studies, lived on that street.

10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where to
meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View
restaurant because the beer was cheap, the restaurant offered free
snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there were lots of
cute guys.

10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where to
meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View
restaurant because the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym and,
if they went late enough, there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.

10 years later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where to
meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View
restaurant because the martinis were big and the waiters had tight
pants and nice buns.

10 years later, the group of 55-year-old girlfriends discussed where to
meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View
restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good,
the restaurant had windows that opened (in case of hot flashes), and
fish is good for cholesterol.

10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where to
meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View
restaurant because the lighting was good and the restaurant had an
early bird special.

10 years later, the group of 75-year-old girlfriends discussed where to
meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View
restaurant because the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was
handicapped-accessible and had an elevator.

10 years later, the group of 85-year-old girlfriends discussed where to
meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View
restaurant because it sounded nice and they had never been there
before.

Mujibar had applied for a job and was going to the final interview.

The interviewer went through the usual questions for a job & then asked him.

"As this job requires significant English skills, I will as you to use the following words in a conversation. Pink, green and yellow."

Mujibar sat and though for a while, then said, "I am sitting at my desk at work, and the phone goes, 'green green'! I pink it up, and say, "Yellow! This is Mujibar. Can I help you?""

Mujibar was successful and now has a job in a call centre in New Delhi. You have probably spoken to him.

I know I have.

And his name is Colin

Sent from my dieing HTC Un-Desire half smart phone

The Traffic Warden’s funeral



As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden’s funeral

a voice from inside screams:

"I'm not dead, I'm not dead! Let me out!!!"



The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters:

"Too late pal, the paperwork’s already done"

IMPORTANT HEALTH INFORMATION

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist
about Cabernet Sauvignon.

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more
confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your
shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just
about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and,
with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent
you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover
many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living.

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or
nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or
becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include: dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss
of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity,
delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and
a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or
Dare, and Naked Twister.

WARNINGS:

* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.

* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.

* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.


Now just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz, Merlot etc.

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore.....



A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.

DO YOU NEED CHEERING UP ?

Well, here's a great idea!

Watch your wedding video backwards.

The night starts with you getting a root ...

Then you have a great time, good food & drink and sober up without a hangover ...

You'll love the end bit where you take the ring off, go back down the aisle, jump in the car & f**k off with your mates.

This is a story of a 16 year-old boy from Bury Park,
who won the World's Shortest Essay competition.
He was awarded a scholarship at the University of Luton for his imagination and humour.... Here's an example of absolute brilliance......

Shortest Essay:

An English university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing the following elements:

1) Religion

2) Royalty

3) Physical Disability

4) Racism

5) Homosexuality



The prize-winner wrote:

'My God,' cried the Queen, 'That one-legged nigger is a poof'.

A wedding occurred just outside Alice Springs in the Northern
Territory. To keep tradition going, everyone got drunk and the bride and
groom's families had a storming row and started wrecking the reception
room and generally kicking the crap out of each other, the Police were
called in to break up the fight.

The following week, all members of both families appear in
court.

The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally
brings silence with the use of his hammer, shouting, "Silence in Court!"

The court room goes silent and Jackie, the best man, stands up
and say's.. "Judge.... I was the best man at the wedding and I think I
should explain what happened."

The Judge agrees and asks Jackie to take the stand.

Jackie begins his explanation by telling the court that it is
traditional in an indigenous wedding that the best man gets the first
dance with the Bride.

The Judge says," OK".

"Well," said Jackie, "after I had finished the first dance, the
music kept going so I continued dancing to the second song, and after
that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song...when all
of a sudden the Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the
Bride an unmerciful kick in her vagina.."

The Judge instantly responded, "God... that must have hurt!"

Jackie replies; "HURT!!... he broke three of my fuc**ing fingers !

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:
MOUNT & DO.

A must read for Grandparents....(Those who aren't will love it, too.)

At one point during a game,

the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players

aside and asked,
'Do you understand what cooperation is?

What a team is?'

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.


'Do you understand that what matters is whether

we win or lose together as a team?'

The little boy nodded 'yes'.

'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know,

when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse,

attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head,

dickhead or asshole.

Do you understand all that?'

The little boy nodded 'yes' again.
He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game

so another boy gets a chance to play,

it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach

"a dumb ass or shithead" is it?'
The little boy shook his head 'NO'.
'GOOD', said the coach..
'Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother!'