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The Night Nurse

The more you think about this one, the funnier it gets.

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.

Preparing to write a cheque,she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great.....some asshole's got my pen!'

http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j8...83d/fonzie.jpg

Its been scientifically proven that woman can be satisfied with only 3.5 inches and it does not matter if it's Visa or Mastercard.

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation were sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence..

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man..

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old man

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'.

The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'

Life is like a peanis, simple, soft, streight, relaxed and hanging freely..................... then woman make it hard....

Excellent :lol: however sadly true :confused:

you got that right Dustbowl

(OOPS)
Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,




'Hello?'


'Hi, honey.
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?'







'No, Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'








After a brief pause,







Daddy says,

'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'









'Oh, yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,
right now.'








Brief Pause.







'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs,
knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'







'Okay, Daddy, just a minute.'






A few minutes later
The little girl comes back to the phone.







'I did it, Daddy.'







'And what happened, honey?'






'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes
on and ran around screaming.








Then, she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
and now she isn't moving at all!'








'Oh, my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'








'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
and into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water
last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'








Long Pause









Longer Pause









Even Longer Pause








Then Daddy says,








'Swimming pool? ...........








Is this 486-5731?'








No, I think you have the wrong number ...