Success is like pregnancy.
Every one congratulates you but no one knows how many times you got screwed to achieve it !

ONE FOR ALL THE OLD CODGERS!!!!
There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table.
Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom.
When he returned, however, his trousers are wet all over.
'What happened, Grandpa?' asked by his concerned children.
'Well,' he answered, 'I don't really know.
I had to go to the bathroom. So I took it out and started to pee, but then I saw that it wasn't mine, so I put it back!'

Answering machine message,

"I am not available right now,

but thank you for caring enough to call.

I am making some changes in my life.

Please leave a message after the beep.

If I do not return your call,

you are one of the changes."

~~~~~

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

~~~~~

My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

~~~~~

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

~~~~~

Blessed are those who can give without remembering

and take without forgetting.

~~~~~

The irony of life is that,

by the time you're old enough to know your way around,

you're not going anywhere.

~~~~~

God made man before woman so as to give him time

to think of an answer for her first question.

~~~~~

I was always taught to respect my elders,

but it keeps getting harder to find one.

My trip to the IGA Store!...

There was a bit of confusion at the IGA store this morning.

When I was ready to pay for my purchases of groceries

the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note that I complain to her boss and the IGA franchise people

I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that

she was referring to my credit card.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!

What is Celibacy?


Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.


While attending a Marriage Weekend, My wife and I, listened to the
instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the
things that are important to each other.."


He then addressed the men,
'Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower?'


I leaned over, touched my wife's hand gently, and whispered,


White Wings Self-Raising Flour, isn t it?



And thus began my life of celibacy.........:-)

Haven't read through all of this but from a Scotsman's point of view(who are also considered hard wearing :D) I find Australians very proud, resilient and hardy.

Tough species, fair dinkum too !

30,000 views in under a year!!!
AJOR members do like their jokes !!
If only I could get my head around putting pics in posts :D