At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

"Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"

Then others added these comments:

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought Car95 or CarNT. But then you would have to buy more seats.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.

7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car fault" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say are you sure? before going off.

10. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

11. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

12. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither needed nor wanted them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become the target of investigation by the Justice Department.

13. Every time GM would introduce a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

14. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

Anyone with an interest in Long Covid may find this useful.
https://erictopol.substack.com/p/tow...g-covid-puzzle

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living. "Mary, what does your parents do?"
Little Mary replied "My dad is a Barrister and my mummy is a nurse."
"That's very nice," said the teacher," Robert, what do your parents do?"
Robert proudly exclaimed ,"My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!"
"That's very nice," said the teacher ,"Johnny, what do your parents do?"
He stood up and pronounced, "My dad's in Jail and my mom's a Whore" Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. 15 minutes later, he returned.
"Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" asked the teacher. Johnny replied, "Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, he then gave me a chocalate frog and asked for my Mums phone number."

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation. 'You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one,' the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear; 'The young people of today are much more advanced than people your age. We grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon and the internet. We have cell phones, nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers, automated manufacturing, amazing. technologies, ...and,' pausing to take another drink of beer.The senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said,



‘You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young... so we invented them.

Now, you arrogant little shit, what are YOU doing for the next generation?

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of women. They say women are too judgemental, where, of course men are just grateful.

...

There is a lot pilots have to take into account when flying safely across the sky:



Every take off is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous.
It’s always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.
The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.
Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take-offs you’ve made.
Keep looking around. There’s always something you’ve missed.
Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It’s the law. And it’s not subject to repeal.
There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, There are however, no old, bold pilots.


The moon landings were fake… but the director was such a perfectionist that he insisted they be shot on location.

Before my surgery, the anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle… It was an ether/oar situation!

I have a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare. But he chewed it a lot. Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.

Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the Earth for 24 hours a day. So, they decided to call it a day.

I’m taking care of the procrastination problem. Just wait and see.

If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. That’s humerus.

Nurse came in and said Doc, there’s a main in the waiting room who thinks he’s invisible, what should I tell him? The doctor said tell him can’t see him today.

I re-labelled all of the jars in the spice rack. I’m not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin.