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Old 09-03-2018
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Smartphone by Rob Hughes

When you invited me to meet you for a meal and a chat

I thought it was a great idea, a chance to chew the fat.

Its been a while since last we talked; its such a busy life,

Id love to hear what youve been up to, are you keeping out of strife?



I saw you as I entered; you hadnt changed a bit,

We smiled as I drew closer and then found a place to sit.

A waiter took our order; we were eating a la carte,

We had so much to talk about, I wondered where to start.



I was thinking up some questions that would help me break the ice,

When you reached into your pocket and pulled out this strange device.

It was small and black and shiny with a silvery looking face,

And I thought it might be some new kind of medication case.



But as I watched, you poked it then you stroked it with such care,

With the reverence one might offer to a book of common prayer.

The tiny widget was protected with a folding leather cover,

And you gazed at it so tenderly as if it were your lover.



You fondled it so softly that I had this strange sensation

That your gadget might be offering some kind of titillation.

You smiled, your features softened, I thought that you might fall asleep,

But the reverie was broken when the thing let out a BEEP.



That sure got your attention and your finger moves were swift,

Youd forgotten me entirely, and oh brother, was I miffed!

I coughed, and arched my eyebrows, made some rattles with my cup

But that machine was still your focus. I was totally fed up.



When the waiter brought our food, I saw you lay the gadget down,

Perhaps wed start to talk now, but my smile became a frown

Because the thing had started vibrating: bzzz, bzzz, bzzz it went.

To prevent our conversation was its clandestine intent.



That brought me to my limit, and with patience at an end,

I decided that Id leave and youd no longer be my friend.

You didnt even notice that Id left you on your own,

Because your universe revolves around that sleek black mobile phone.

2015 Rob Hughes



Bubba and Clyde are filling up at a petrol station and Bubba says to Clyde "I bet fuel prices are going to go even higher."

Clyde replies "Won't affect me, I always put in just $10 worth."



One day, Jill's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing convulsively.

"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was ironing your suit and I burned a

big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of trousers for that suit."

"Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I

used them to patch the hole."



Bubba and Clyde were walking down the road and Clyde says, "Look at that dog with one eye!"

Bubba covers one eye and says, "Where?"



Maisie decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that Buffy from next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.

Buffy," she said, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"

"Ten," said Buffy.

So, Maisie bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had two

rolls leftover.

"Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got two leftover!"

"Yes," said Buffy. "So did I."



The executive was interviewing a young recruit for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about their personality, so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with any person, living or dead, who would that be?"

The quick response, "The living one."
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