[layback40]

I before E except when your foreign neighbour Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters. Weird!



Pause for thought…

Imagine how cool being a pet fish would be: you’re just swimming along then it suddenly starts raining food

What if everything you see right now is just a hallucination caused by inhaling oxygen?

What if coins you randomly find at the bottom of draws and in between couch cushions are actually from spiders trying to pay rent?

Let us all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name “fireplace.”

Homes are just artificial free-standing caves

If there’s a “heavens no” and a “hell yes” why isn’t there a “purgatory maybe”?

Fuel prices aren’t so bad if you consider you’re actually buying liquid explosive dinosaur.

Lasagne is just spaghetti flavoured cake



International Pun Contest

Beauty is only a light switch away.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

Make love, not war. Hell, do both - GET MARRIED!

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.



To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.



A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup."

I live in my own little world. But it's OK... They know me here!

What do you call 2 thieves? A pair of knickers.



THINGS MUM WOULD NEVER, EVER SAY

How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?

Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too.

Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look cheerier.

Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week.

Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.

Well, if Rudi's mother says it's OK, that's good enough for me.

The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.

I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve

Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve.