[layback40]

In which battle did Napoleon die? A. his last battle

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? A. at the bottom of the page

River Murray flows in which state? A. liquid

What is the main reason for divorce? A. marriage

What can you never eat for breakfast? A. Lunch

What looks like half an apple? A. The other half.

If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? A. Wet

How can a man go eight days without sleeping? A. No problem, he sleeps at night.

How can you lift an elephant with one hand? A. You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.

If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have? A. Very large hands

If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? A. No time at all, the wall is already built.

How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? A. Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.



A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change and then goes back and says to the cashier "Hey you gave me the wrong change!"

"Sir you stepped away from the counter" said the cashier. "We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank."

"Well ok" answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye."



Clever Signs.

A sign in a shoe repair store: We will heel you, We will save your sole, We will even dye for you.

Sign over a Gynaecologist’s Office: "Dr Jones, at your cervix.”.

In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels.”

At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.”

On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed.”

On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

At a Tyre Shop: "Invite us to your next blowout.”

On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts.”

In a Non-smoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”

On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push.”

At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”

Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

A sign outside a shop; “Push. If that doesn’t work…Pull. If that doesn’t work...We must be closed.

Outside a pub; “Today’s offer: Buy any 2 Drinks and pay for them both.”

Outside a Library, “Library is closed until opening time.”

At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait.”

Beside a computer, “Every time you make a typo, the errorists win”.

Outside an Ice cream shop, “I Scream, You Scream, The Police Come, It’s Awkward.”

In a Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak.”;

Sign on the back of Septic Tank Truck: "Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

On another Septic Tank Truck: "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"