[layback40]

Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RACV van. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.



Two guys trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it's supposed to go.

The first guy says, "Why don't you go over and ask if we can play through?"

The second guy gets about halfway there and comes back. The first guy says, "What's wrong?"

He says, "One of them is my wife, and the other one is my mistress."

The first guy says, "That could be a problem. I'll go over." He gets about halfway there and comes back.

The second guy says, "What's wrong?"

The first guy says, "Small world."



Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the time to do it twice.

Don't corner something that is meaner than you.

It doesn’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

Don't be banging your shin on a stool that's not in the way.

Borrowing trouble from the future doesn't deplete the supply.

Most of the stuff people worry about isn’t going to happen anyway.

Don’t judge people by their relatives.

Silence is sometimes the best answer.

Don’t interfere with something that isn’t bothering you.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you’ll ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every morning.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment.

If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.

Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.