[layback40]

I can’t tell the difference between a rose, and a dandelion. So, when it came time to fix up my garden, I had no cue which plants to keep and which ones to remove. That is until I was given this handy tip: “Pull them all up. If it comes back, it’s a weed.”



Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.

“I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.

“I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends him back home.

“I’m lonely,” says the third friend. “I sure wish my friends were back here."



A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey Doc, want to look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered...... ''Try doing it with the engine running."



A man feared his wife was not hearing as well as she used to, and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do," said the doctor. "Stand about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away. Let's see what happens." In a normal tone, he asks, ‘Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.

So, the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife, and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response. Next, he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again, no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again, there is no response.

So, he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

"Trevor, for the 5th time, CHICKEN!"



And finally, this from one of our readers, titled One Percenters. Your perspective on this piece may change based on your actual age……



99% of people born between 1930 and 1946 (GLOBALLY) are now deceased…



If you were born in this time span, your ages range between 77 and 93 years old (a 16-year-age span) and you are one of the rare surviving one-percenters.



You are the smallest group of children born since the early 1900s.



You are the last generation, climbing out of the depression, who can remember the winds of war and the impact of a world at war that rattled the structure of our daily lives for years.



You are the last to remember ration books for everything from tea to sugar to shoes. You saved tin foil and poured fried meat fat into cans.



You can remember milk being delivered to your house early in the morning and placed in the "milk box" at the front door. Discipline was enforced by parents and teachers.



You are the last generation who spent childhood without television and instead, you “imagined” what you heard on the radio. With no TV, you spent your childhood "playing outside". There was no city playground for kids. The lack of television in your early years meant that you had little real understanding of what the world was like. We got “black-and-white” TV in the late 50s that had 3 stations and no remote.



Telephones (if you had one) were one to a house and hung on the wall in the kitchen (who cares about privacy). Computers were called calculators; they were hand-cranked. Typewriters were driven by pounding fingers, throwing the carriage, and changing the ribbon. INTERNET and GOOGLE were words that did not exist.



Newspapers and magazines were written for adults and your dad would give you the comic pages after he read the news. The news was broadcast on your radio in the evening. The radio network gradually expanded from 3 stations to thousands.



New highways would bring jobs and mobility. Most highways were 2 lanes and there were no Motorways. You went downtown to shop. You walked to school.



Your parents were suddenly free from the confines of the depression and the war, and they threw themselves into working hard to make a living for their families.



You weren't neglected, but you weren't today's all-consuming family focus. They were glad you played by yourselves. They were busy discovering the postwar world. You entered a world of overflowing plenty and opportunity; a world where you were welcomed, enjoyed yourselves. You felt secure in your future, although the depression and poverty were deeply remembered.



Polio was still a crippler. Everyone knew someone who had it.



You are the last generation to experience an interlude when there were no threats to our country. World War 2 was over and the cold war, terrorism, global warming, and perpetual economic insecurity had yet to haunt life. Only your generation can remember a time after WW2 when our world was secure and full of bright promise and plenty. You grew up at the best possible time, a time when the world was getting better.



More than 99% of you are retired now, and you should feel privileged to have "lived in the best of times!" If you have already reached the age of 77-years-old, you have outlived 99% of all the other people on this planet. You are a 1% 'er!