[layback40]

There was a frugal tradesman, a painter called Jack, who was very interested in making a buck or two where he could. So, he often would thin down his paint to make it go a bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time.

Eventually the Presbyterian Church decided to do a big restoration job on one of their biggest churches. Jack put in a painting bid and because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so, he set to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks, and buying the paint and... yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with the turpentine.

Well, Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened, and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jack far off the scaffold to land on the ground. Now, Jack was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees and cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"

From the thunder, a mighty Voice spoke, "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"



Interviewing the young Swede for a job as teller, the bank president is amazed with the skill the applicant exhibits at handling money.

"So," the president says, "where did you get your training?"

"Yale," the fair-haired youth replies.

"I see. And what did you say your name was?"

He answers, "Yackson."



The three-time felon felt a wave of panic come over him as he surveyed the jury in the courthouse. Positive he'd never beat the murder rap, he managed to get hold of one of the kinder looking jurors and bribe her with his life savings to go for a manslaughter verdict.

Sure enough, at the close of the trial the jury declared him guilty of manslaughter. Tears of gratitude welling up in his eyes, the young man had a moment with the juror before being led off to prison. "Thank you, thank you - how'd you do it?"

"It wasn't easy," she admitted. "They all wanted to acquit you."



"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?"

Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."