[taskmaster]

AUSTRALIAN LETTER OF THE YEAR
Please excuse the language but this is well worth reading
Ain't this the truth?

This is an actual letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade)
Immigration Minister. The Commonwealth Government tried desperately to censure
The author, but got nowhere because every legal person who read it were highly amused

Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that
I bought a television set and golf clubs from them back in 1997, and yet the
Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income
Tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is also on my driver's licence, on the
Last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms
I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes over the past 30 years.

It's also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years
Since 1966.

Also... Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's
Name is Audrey, my father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely fu<€ing astounded
If that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!...

SHIT! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide??

I apologise, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you and me,
I've had enough of all this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask
Me for my fu<€ing address!! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a
Gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes working there!
And another thing, look at my damn picture... Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even
Grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new
Granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please
Tell me, why would you give a shit whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the next
15 days? In the unlikely event I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep
Or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another
********ing copy of my birth certificate - and to part with another $80 for the privilege of
Accessing MY OWN INFORMATION! Would it be so complicated to have all the
Services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same
Day??
Nooooo.. That 'd be too fu<€ing easy and makes far too much sense. You would much
Prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our fu<€ing heads cut off,
And then having to find some 'high-society' wanker to confirm that it's really me in the
Goddamn photo! You know the photo... The one where we're not allowed to smile?! ....
You fu<€ing morons.

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.


P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in
'high-society' to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before
1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the
Eureka Stockade!!)
I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army for something over 30 years (I went to
Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the
President of the RSL.. And Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each
Year.

However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am; You
know... someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FU<€ING
PAKISTAN!!!..... a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and
are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the "right sort of government".

You are all fu<€ing idiots!