[layback40]

The other day someone told me that Nutella is pronounced ‘Noottella’ because it is Italian. But clearly it’s pronounced the way it is because it is made of hazelnoots.

No, I can’t get out of bed. The blankets have accepted me as one of their own, if I leave now I might lose their trust.

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

There is no angry way to say bubbles.

My sister-in-law was teaching Sunday school class. The topic for the day: Easter Sunday and the resurrection of Christ. “What did Jesus do on this day?” she asked. There was no response, 
so she gave her students a hint: “It starts with the letter R.” One boy blurted, “Recycle!”

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.



Honest Brand Slogans

Hallmark: “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by a corporation.”

Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.”

CliffsNotes: “They’re still going to know you didn’t read the book.”

Gillette: “We’re just going to keep adding blades.”

ChapStick: “You’ll misplace it before the tube’s empty.”

Hot Pockets: “Every bite is a different temperature.”



Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.



Wouldn’t life be great if:

Stickers always peel off cleanly.

The toilet paper roll is never empty at the wrong time.

The battery is always full at the right time.

Video pop up ads did not exist.

The other sock never goes missing.

The weather reader is always right.

Someone always has a pen.