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How To Translate Work Emails

I have a question. = I have 18 questions.

I’ll look into it. = I’ve already forgotten about it.

I tried my best. = I did the bare minimum.

Happy to discuss further. = Don’t ask me about this again.

No worries. = You really messed up this time.

Take care. = This is the last you’ll ever hear from me.



The Revenant (2015), Starring Leonardo DiCaprio. An epic tale of one man’s desperate journey to do whatever it takes to finally win an Oscar.

If growing up in the ’80s taught me one thing, it’s that my friends and I should have found a treasure map by now.



What My Girlfriend Thought, First four Dates:

1. Nice shirt.

2. Wow. A second nice shirt.

3. OK, first shirt again.

4. He has two shirts.



Red sky at night, shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night, day.

We can teach kids there’s no i in team, but it’s way more important to teach them that there’s no a in definitely.



New and Improved Names for Boring Everyday Things

• Couch = People Shelf

• Books = Manual Films

• Bracelets = Clockless Watches

• Air Horn = Spray Scream

• Bottled Water = Snowman Blood

• Feather = Bird Leaf