[layback40]

John Clarke, Bryan Dawes skit
[Scene: A car yard. BRYAN is perusing the stock. He is approached by JOHN]



John: ** ** Morning! Looking for a new car?

Bryan: ** ** Nope. New Prime Minister, actually.

John: ** ** You're the third one this morning. Anything in mind?

Bryan: ** ** You know...... nothing fancy, reliable, economical family model. Something to get the country from A to B.

John: ** ** You mean like a Howard?

Bryan: ** ** Yeah...a little Johnny. Nothing flash, does the job. Low maintenance, economical, sensible. Runs for years, no troubles.

John: ** ** So.... you used to have one?

Bryan: ** ** Yeah. About 10 years. Great little model - don't know why I got rid of him -- biggest mistake I've ever made.

John: ** ** What happened?

Bryan: ** ** Traded him in for a Kevin 07

John: ** ** Big mistake.

Bryan: ** ** Lot of people bought it. Good political mileage.

John: ** ** How was the Kevin 07?

Bryan: ** ** Came with a $900 factory rebate - that was good.

John: ** ** Anything else?

Bryan: ** ** Not much. Sounded nice but nothing under the bonnet. It was a lemon.

John: ** ** Didn't stick around for long did it?

Bryan: ** ** Nah - had a factory recall. Shipped overseas and was never seen again.

John: ** ** What was the problem?

Bryan: ** ** Lots. But the final straw was the navigation system. Plug it in and it automatically loses its own way.

John: ** ** Whatcha got now?

Bryan: ** ** It's a Gillard-Brown.

John: ** ** The hybrid?

Bryan: ** ** Yeah. The Eco-drive system - not a good idea. An engine that can't deliver hooked up to a transmission stuck in permanent reverse.

John: ** ** Green paintwork with a red interior. And steering that always lurches to the left for no apparent reason - that's the one?

Bryan: ** ** The Fustercluck model.

John: ** ** The only one they made, Bryan. Not the vehicle of choice for the road to recovery - but did they finish up fixing the navigation system?

Bryan: ** ** Made it worse. Turn it on and it does a press release, heads off in all directions and goes nowhere.

John: ** ** So that's why you're here?

Bryan: ** ** That's right. I'm stuck with a car that's wasteful, expensive, ineffective and past its use by date. I don't suppose you've heard of the "Cash for Clunkers" scheme?

John: ** ** Join the queue brother.
**