How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

This real good sort looked at my beer belly and sarcastically said, "Is that VB or Hahn?"
I said, " There's a ********in’ tap underneath, taste it".



I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling their t!ts, "Really" she said.
"Go on then...try"
After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, "f#ckin’ yesterday".



I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few kilos, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look alright."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there."



I went to the pub last night and saw a fat bird dancing on a table, I said to her, "Nice legs".
The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so ".
I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now".



Got caught having a p!$$ in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me that loud I nearly fell in.

[layback40]

A woman was playing golf when she took a big swing and fell. The party waiting behind her was a group from the ALP that included Julia Gillard.
Julia quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet. She thanked her and started to leave, when she said,"I'm Prime Minister Gillard and I hope you'll vote for me next year."
She laughed and quickly replied, "I fell on my ass, not my head!"

[layback40]

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he’d make a deal: ‘You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut.

Then we’ll talk about the car.’

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, ‘Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible,

but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.

The boy said, ‘You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair,

John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair…and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.’


(YOU`RE GONNA LOVE THE ANSWER)………




His father replied, ‘Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?'

[layback40]

For all you guys who spend all week working on your jeep !!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLlGcNlseR0

[layback40]

I am not racist, there are good and bad in every race, but I'm sorry to say this is true

Proud

to be White!

I have been wondering about why Whites are racists,

and no other race is......



Proud to be White


Michael Richards makes his point...
Michael Richards better known as Kramer

from TVs Seinfeld does make a good point.

This was his defense speech in court

after making racial comments in his comedy act.
He makes some very interesting points...

Someone finally said it.

How many are actually paying attention to this?

There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans,

Arab Americans, etc.
And then there are just Americans..

You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction.

You call me 'White boy,' 'Cracker,' 'Honkey,' 'Whitey,' 'Caveman'...

And that's OK...
But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger,

Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink ..

You call me a racist.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you....
So why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

You have the United Negro College Fund.

You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Black History Month.
You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah.
You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi.
You have the NAACP.
You have BET....

If we had WET

(White Entertainment Television),

we'd be racists.

If we had a White Pride Day,

you would call us racists.

If we had White History Month,

we'd be racists.

If we had any organization for only whites to 'advance'

OUR lives, we'd be racists.

We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce,

and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce.
Wonder who pays for that??

A white woman could not be in the Miss Black American pageant,

but any color can be in the Miss America pageant.
If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships...

You know we'd be racists.

There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US ..
Yet if there were 'White colleges',

that would be a racist college.

In the Million Man March,

you believed that you were marching for your race and rights.
If we marched for our race and rights,

you would call us racists.

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange,

and you're not afraid to announce it.
But when we announce our white pride,

you call us racists.

You rob us, car jack us, and shoot at us.
But,

when a white police officer shoots a black gang member

or beats up a black drug dealer running from the law

and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist..

I am proud......

But you call me a racist.

Why is it that only whites can be racists??



That's why we have LOST most of OUR RIGHTS

in this country.
We won't stand up for ourselves!

BE PROUD

TO BE WHITE!

It's not a crime YET....

But getting very close!

[bruggz351]

Originally Posted by layback40

For all you guys who spend all week working on your jeep !!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLlGcNlseR0

lol...nice one

[layback40]

Originally Posted by bruggz351

lol...nice one

Did you get some to clean up after jambo ??