How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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There's a gang in my area who recruit new members by threatening them with all kinds of horrible punishments if they don't join.
But enough about the church...

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Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day.

Al says to Joe, "you know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico."

Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.

As they are constructing the tower a crowd begins to assemble.

Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them work.

When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.

So Al jumps.

He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.

Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces again and comes back up again.

This time he is bruised and bleeding.

Again Joe misses him, Al falls again and bounces back up.

This time he comes back pretty messed up. He's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily Joe catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

Barely able to speak, Al gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd...

WHAT THE HECK IS A PI NATA?"

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God said "Adam, I want you to do something for me." Adam said "Gladly Lord, what do you want me to do?" God said "Go down into that valley." Adam said "What's a valley?" God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river." Adam said "What's a river?" God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill...." Adam said “What is a hill?" So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave." Adam said 'What's a cave?' After God explained, He said, "In the cave you will find a woman." Adam said "What's a woman?' So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce." Adam said "How do I do that?" God first said (under his breath) "Geez....." And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well. So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman. Then, in about five minutes, he was back. God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?" And Adam said.... "What's a headache?"

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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty.
She looked more beautiful than she ever had before!
All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.
She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "Think nothing of it.
I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.

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I remember when I first started dating the missus, I got a hard-on just watching her eating a banana. Now after twenty years of marriage, I only get aroused if she starts choking on it.

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This man walks into the patent office, places an apple on the desk and says, "I want to patent this apple."
The patent officer informs him that he can't get a patent on an apple. The gent says, "Taste it."
The officer tastes it and with mild surprise states, "It tastes like an orange. Unfortunately, it still can't be patented."
Not willing to give up yet, the man asks him to flip it over and taste the other side. The patent officer turns it around and takes a bite out of the other side.
Slightly more surprised he exclaims, "It tastes like a lemon. But I'm sorry, it's just not original enough. Maybe if it tasted like p*ssy...."
So the man walks out somewhat dejected.
About the same time the next year he walks in to the patent office again and sets another apple on the desk. He exclaims, "I did it! Taste this apple."
The patent officer takes a bite out of the apple and immediately spits it out screaming, "This apple tastes like shit!"
The inventor says, "Now, flip it over!!!!."

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God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel,found him, resting on the seventh
He inquired, "Where have you been ?"
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it ?"
"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test 'Balance.'"
"Balance ?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.
"For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor.
Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people.
Balance in all things"
God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one ?"
"That's Perth , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful trees and gardens, a beautiful river, and days filled with sunshine.
The people from Perth are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world.
They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God ? You said there would be 'balance.'"
God smiled, "I will create Canberra
Wait till you see the idiots I'll put there