How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood and are celebrating their sixtieth wedding anniversary. They walk down the street to their old school.
There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved "I love you,Sally."
On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, but they don't know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty-thousand dollars. The husband
says, "We've got to give it back." She says, "Finders keepers." And she puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"
She says, "No."
The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning." The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..."
The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "We're outta here..."

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I was in the pub last night
and this girl said to me, "Would you like a drink?"
I said, "You're a bit forward aren't you?"
She said, "Fuck off, I'm the barmaid!"

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A billionaire was having a party at his house, and in his back yard he had a huge pool with great white sharks in it.

He announced to everyone at the party that whoever could swim across the pool without getting attacked could either have all his money, his wife, or his house.

So when everyone got back to talking all of a sudden a guy is in the pool swimming as fast as he can and when he gets to the other side and jumps out.

The billionaire goes.. "Holy cow, I didn’t think anyone was going to do it, but anyway, you want the money right?" and the guy says "no",

So the billionaire says, "oh, you want my house?" and the guys says "no" and so the billionaire says," what, you want my wife, then?"

But the guys says "hell no"

So the billionaire says "well what the huck do you want?"

The guy still trying to catch his breath says, " I want the mother----- who pushed me in the pool”

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I asked this hot girl at my gym what her new years resolution was.
She said "FUCK YOU!!". So I am pretty excited about 2017.....

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There are many mysteries in life,,,Did Moses really part the red sea,,,Is there life on other planets,,Is there an everlasting God,,,,But the one mystery that keeps me awake at night is,,,,What the fuck is it that Meatloaf wont do?..

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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder.

If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times.

For lunch make him a nutritious meal.

For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores.

Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.

If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"

“He said you're going to die.

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Catching Fish

Wife : Honey before we got married , you used to give me gifts and expensive jewellery.

Husband : Yes…so ?

Wife : How come you don’t do it anymore ?

Husband : Have you ever seen a fisherman give worms to the fish after catching it?