How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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I have just sent my son (Who lives in Australia) 3 socks. His wife told me he has grown another foot since hes been there

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'm in big trouble with my girlfriend. She asked me where was I taking her for Christmas......
Apparently "Over the coffee table" was not what she wanted to hear...

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The farmer and his wife had worked hard, scrimped and saved to send their son to college.

As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow a beard.

Next he grew a large moustache and sideburns.

Being pleased with his new facial adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents.

On the back of the photo he scrawled "How do you like it? Don't I look like a count?"

Shortly after, the son received this terse note:

"You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you can't even spell!"

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There was once a hat-seller who passed by a forest on his way back from the market.

The weather was very hot and so he decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side.

A few hours later, he woke up by some sounds. The next thing he realized was that all his hats was gone. He heard some monkeys on the tree and so he looked up.

To his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats.

The hat-seller sits down and think of how he can get the hats down.

He thought and thought and start scratching his head. The next moment, he realized that the monkeys were doing the same action.

Next, he took down his own hat and saw the monkeys do exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took his hat and throw it on the floor and the monkeys do that too.

So he finally managed to get all his hats back.

Fifty years later, his grandson, Jack, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather.

One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest, it was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.

He woke up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and realized that the monkeys had taken all the hats.

He remembered his grand father's words, started scratching his head and the monkeys follows.

He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed.

Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, JACK threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still hold on to all the hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said "You think only you have a grandfather"

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My wife says she thinks we should sleep in separate beds. Great idea! I've chosen Kerri's, at number 23.

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Three men were flying on a plane over the jungle when it crashed.

They were the only people who survived.

They decided that starting the next morning one of them would go out and make weapons and see if he could kill anything.

So the next morning the first man went out.

He didn't come back till about noon.

When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the deer back to the plane wreckage and asked him how he killed it.

He said "I find tracks... I follow tracks... I kill deer."

So the next morning the second guy set out.

He too came back at noon.

When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the buffalo he had killed back to the plane wreckage and asked him how he had killed it.

He said "I find tracks... I follow tracks... I kill buffalo."

The next morning the third guy went out.

The other two were watching and watching for him.

When it was almost sundown and he still hadn't returned they started getting worried.

Then they saw a person stumbling towards them he looked awful, really bad cuts and a broken arm.

They went and helped him to the fire they had made and asked him what had happened.

He said "I find tracks... I follow tracks... and I got hit by a train.

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Quasimodo walks into a bar, strolls straight up to the barman and says "I"ll have a whiskey please."The barman says "Bells alright?" Quasi replies "Mind your own fucking business."