How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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Wife gets naked and asks hubby:"What turns you on more,...my blue eyes...my pouting red blow job lips...my pretty face...my Dcuptits...my nice tight little pussy or my sexy firm arse?....Hubby looks her up and down and replies:"Your sense of humour"...

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A Wee Scottish Joke



An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the
surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the
need arose.

As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found
locally, the call went out around the world. Finally, a Scotsman was located
who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his
blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, a diamond necklace
for his wife, and $100,000 US dollars in appreciation for the blood donation.

A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a corrective surgery procedure.
Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who this time was more than
happy to donate his blood.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a
box of Quality Street chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did
not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He then phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be more generous
than that -last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and money, but this time you
only sent me a lousy thank-you card and a crappy box of chocolates?"

To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins".

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An Italian tourist asks Paddy : "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which Paddy replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the fuckin boat."..

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JOCK got arrested in Switzerland for murder today.... JOCK said to the police, "I thought assisted suicide wasn't against the law here?"
The officer replied, "Under Swiss law, assisted suicides require medical supervision. You strangled your wife as soon as the plane touched down.

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The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick.

So he dialed the employee's home phone number after a number of rings he was answered by child's whisper
"Hello?"
'Is your daddy home?' '
Small voice whispered, 'Yes, he's out in the garden ,'
May I talk with him?'
The child whispered,' No.'
So the boss asked, 'Well, is your Mommy there?'
'Yes she's out in the garden too'
The boss asked; 'May I talk with her?'
Again, 'No'

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'
'Yes, whispered the child,' a policeman . '

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'
'No, He's busy,' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'
'Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men. '
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'
It's a helicopter 'answered the whispering voice.
'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
'The search team just landed a helicopter
' A search team?' said the boss.
'What are they searching for?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle.... 'ME '...

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Murphy's other 15 laws:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from California would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14 . God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan
when they noticed a whaling ship.

The male whale recognised it as the same ship that had harpooned his
father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow
out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to
turn over and sink."

They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realised the sailors had jumped overboard and
were swimming to the safety of shore.

The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the
female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach
the shore."

At this point, he realised the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.

"Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely
refuse to swallow the seemen."