How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldozer!

Q. How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car? A. Put him in the front seat.

Q: What is the difference between a car and a bull? A: A car only has one horn.

Q: What did the carrot say to the rabbit? A: Do you want to grab a bite?

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed? A: Time to get a new bed!

Q: Where does a ten-ton elephant sit? A: Anywhere it wants to!

Q: What was the first animal in space? A: The cow that jumped over the moon!

Q: What do you get when you plant a frog? A: A cr-oak tree.

Q: What is the quietest kind of a dog? A: A hush puppy.

Q: How is a dog like a telephone? A: It has a collar I.D.

Q: Why do cows wear bells? A: Because their horns don’t work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said “moo” and the second cow said “baaaa.” The first cow asked the second cow, “Why did you say baaaa?” The second cow said, “I’m learning a foreign language.”



If you ever feel sad remember Australia had a war with emus and lost.

If you ever think you've made a big mistake, just remember that in 1788 the Austrian army attacked itself and lost 10,000 men.

Isn't it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and one hand that just sits there like: "I don't know how to hold a pencil."

[layback40]

Next time you go on a roller coaster take some spare bolts with you & tell the person in front of you "dude, these just came out of your seat!"😜😂

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"If you win the lottery, the first thing I want
you to get me is a face lift and a boob job" said my 56 year old girlfriend as I was checking my ticket.
"Well actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my jaguar " I replied.
"Why would you waste your money tarting that old thing up, you might as well get yourself a new one" she said.
"My point exactly."

[layback40]

Man is walking through a park. He sees a girl in a wheelchair crying.
"What's wrong?" man asks.
"Never been kissed before" girl says.
Man kisses her and she goes home happy.
Next day man walking through same park. Sees girl in wheelchair again crying.
"What's wrong?" man asks.
"Never been wined and dined before" girl says.
So man takes her out for a beautiful meal, gets her drunk and wheels her off home.
Again man walks through park following day. Girl still in wheelchair crying. "What's wrong?" Asks man.
"Never been fucked before" says girl.
So man picks up girl and throws her in the river and says...
"Well you're fucked now"

[layback40]

Driving home from the bar earlier, we were pulled over by a Police Car.
"Everything alright officer?" I asked.
"Not really sir," he replied, "Your car was weaving across the road in a very uncontrolled manner."
"What do you expect?" I said, "I've had eight beers."
He laughed, "In that case, I fully understand why you let your wife drive home."..😜

[layback40]

When I was last in China I wanted a city guided tour. I asked a Chinese girl behind tourist counter for her phone No. She gave me a big smile and replied “Sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonight” I replied “Wow, you Chinese women are friendly”
A guy beside me overheard and said to me
“What she really said was 666136429”.

[layback40]

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kinda strange so she decides to do a DNA test.
She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you
Husband: What’s up?
Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid
Husband: Well you don’t remember, do you??
When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had pooped.
Then you said:
- Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here.
So I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there.
Moral: Never give a man a job that doesn't belong to him.😂