How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

https://www.google.com.au/search?q=a...ient=firefox-a

Wont be getting a brand new Jeep any time soon !!!

[layback40]

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death...What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

[layback40]

This morning I went to Centrelink to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said,
"Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare." So I explained to her that my dogs
are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no frigging
clue who their Dads are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with
housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes
to qualify. My dogs get their first cheques next Friday.

Damn, this is a great country!.

[layback40]

An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that his camel died of thirst. He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that he had
a Manischewitz wine bottle. It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top, and out popped a genie . BUT this was no ordinary genie. This genie appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzies.

"Vell kid," said the genie, "you know how it voiks. You got three vishes."

"I'm not going to trust you,' says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!"

"Vott'ya you got to lose? Looks ta me - you're a
gonner anyvay!"

The Arab thought about this for a minute, and decided that the genie was right. "Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentiful food and drink."

** * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he
was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"Okee-dokee kiddo, vat's your second vish?"

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

** * * * * * P O O F * * * * * * * * *

The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems.

"Okay kid, you got just vone more vish. Better you should make it a good vone!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says, "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will always need and want me !"

** * * * * * * * P O O F * * * * * *

He was turned into a tampon.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

If you're an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie, there's going to be a string attached.

[layback40]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTd24grWF_k

[layback40]

Dilemma

one friend said to the other, “what is a dilemma, actually?”

he replied, “well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate that.



Imagine that you are laying in a big bed with a beautiful naked young woman on one side



and a gay man on the other.

Who are you going to turn your back on?

[anthonygubbin]

OK unsure if this has been told.

After 20 years of sex in the dark, a wife finds out a husband has always used a dildo on her!

She says "explain the dildo prick"?

Husbands says" explain the kids, bitch"?

Regards A