How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[wrangler2010]

Originally Posted by layback40

A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman.

"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price.

2 weeks too late with that one Bruggz...

[bruggz351]

Originally Posted by wrangler2010

2 weeks too late with that one Bruggz...

Oops...

[layback40]

>
> An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that
> he's lost.
>
>
>
> Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction
> with the
> intention of having lunch.
>
>
>
> The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!"
>
>
>
> Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles
> down to chew on the
> bones with his back to the approaching cat.
>
>
>
> Just as the panther is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims
> loudly, "Boy, that was
> one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"
>
>
>
> Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look
> of terror comes
> over him and he slinks away into the trees.
>
>
>
> "Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly
> had me!"
>
>
>
> Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a
> nearby tree, figures
> he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from
> the panther.
>
>
>
> So, off he goes.
>
>
>
> The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and
> strikes a deal for
> himself with the panther.
>
>
>
> The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here,
> squirrel, hop on
> my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
>
>
>
> Now, the old Doberman sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his
> back and
> thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog
> sits down with
> his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and
> just when they get
> close enough to hear, the old Doberman says ......
>
>
>
> "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me
> another panther!"
>
>
>
> Moral of this story...
>
>
>
> Don't mess with the old dogs...
>
>
>
> Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
>
>
>
> Bull Shit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

[bruggz351]

Haaa...
I love that layback

[rastus2571]

An old randy fella and a long time widow met up and got talking to each other in the nursing home. The old bloke started to get a bit frisky and put "the word" on the widow.

For $5.00 I will make wild,passionate sex with you on the rocking chair in the tv room at midnight for an hour.

For $10.00 I will have a quicky with you on the nurses desk for 15 minutes.

For $15.00 I will have sex with you on the settee out in the garden for 1/2 an hour.

For $20.00 I will ask you back to my room for a candle lit dinner,soft sensual music and an all over massage.

By this time the widow is starting to get that tingly,fuzzy feeling.

She reaches down between her breasts and pulls out a $20.00 note.

The old fella says " We will have chinese for dinner and my room number is 438".

The widow says " I don't want your room number. I want 4 goes in the rocking chair".

Sent from my HTC Explorer A310e using Tapatalk 2


Sent from my HTC Explorer A310e using Tapatalk 2

[layback40]

Just left hospital with a broken nose.
I was in a lift this morning minding my own business when this lovely girl entered.
As I was staring at her boobs, she said to me, "Would you please press 1..?"
So I did.....

[layback40]

In the greatest days of the British Empire , a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.


After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said,

"You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man, God, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."


Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three foot tall.

"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."

"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst , joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines.

I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of..."

Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, the CO can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to get f_ _ _ed."