Jokes

[xflow]

Originally Posted by Jodeyrae

A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?"
"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth out?"

Puhahahahah , love it

[hemijeepy]

The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in
less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the "other man".

The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the
scene. Being a man of the 90's and all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be sophisticated and business-like
manner.

He sent the following e-mail to his wife's lover:

Sir,
It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair with my
wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3 PM on Friday
next.

The "other man" was highly amused by the husband's formal manner and sent off the following reply at once:

Dear Sir,
I have received a copy of your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will attend the
scheduled conference in your Office's auditorium.

[Nobody]

A bloke goes into the Job Centre in Brisbane and sees
a card advertising for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.

Interested he goes to learn more. "Can you give me some
more details about this?" he asks the guy behind the desk.

The Job Centre guy sifts through his files and replies,
"Uh - yes here it is... OK, the job entails you getting patients
ready for the gynaecologist.

You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down
and wash their nether regions.

Then apply shaving foam and shave off all their pubic hair
then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's
examination.

There's an annual salary of $80,000 but I'm afraid you'll have
to go to Sydney."

"Oh why, is that where the job's based?"



"No – that's where the end of the queue is"

[xflow]

Originally Posted by Jodeyrae

A bloke goes into the Job Centre in Brisbane and sees
a card advertising for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.

Interested he goes to learn more. "Can you give me some
more details about this?" he asks the guy behind the desk.

The Job Centre guy sifts through his files and replies,
"Uh - yes here it is... OK, the job entails you getting patients
ready for the gynaecologist.

You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down
and wash their nether regions.

Then apply shaving foam and shave off all their pubic hair
then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's
examination.

There's an annual salary of $80,000 but I'm afraid you'll have
to go to Sydney."

"Oh why, is that where the job's based?"



"No – that's where the end of the queue is"

PUhahahahahahah

[Nobody]

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed
to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that

'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather
Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to
raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'

She calmly turned her head and said,

'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'


To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,


'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray-up, Biatch'

[hemijeepy]

Bahhahahahaahah !!! Gold!!

[Nobody]

A hillbilly man and his new bride were on their honeymoon. The husband jumps into bed to wait for his wife to get herself ready.

The wife comes out of the bathroom in a sexy negligee and says "Honey, I have something to tell you. I'm a virgin."

The man grabs his clothes and rushes out of the house yelling at the top of his lungs. He heads straight to his fathers house. When he gets there, his father says, "Son, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on your honeymoon."

The son says, "Dad, my new wife told me a big secret of hers. She's a virgin."

"Damn son. You did the right thing by leaving, cause if she wasn't good enough for her family, she sure as hell ain't good enough for ours!"