How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven.

"Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates?" he asks one of the men, who had been a butler.

"I was a good father," he answers.

"Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry. No admittance."

St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the same question.

The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his family.

But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been impossibly stingy, so much so that he married a woman named Penny.

At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said, "Come on, Fanny, let’s get out of here."

[layback40]

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Why do irons have a setting for permanent press?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If you choke a Smurf, what color will it turn?

Could God make a burrito so hot he couldn't eat it?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

How is it that "Fat Chance" and "Slim Chance" mean the same thing?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

[layback40]

If corn oil is made from corn and saffron oil from saffron, ever wonder what baby oil is made from?

[layback40]

What's the difference between pink and purple?


The GRIP.

[layback40]

Tony Abbott and Bill Shorten accidentally wound up at the same barbershop at
the same time while stopping for a little touchup \while campaigning.
As they sat in adjacent chairs, worked on by different barbers, not a
word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for
fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers each finished their haircuts, the one working on Shorten
reached for some scented hair tonic to splash on, but Shorten quickly
held up his hand, smiled, and said, "No thanks, Johnny! My wife, will smell that and think I've been gallivanting in a
whorehouse!" Everyone in his entourage laughed.

The other barber turned to Abbott and said, "I suppose you don't want
any tonic on your hair either?" Abbott replied, "No, go
ahead, Mike. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse
smells like!"

[layback40]

An old guy asked his friend...
Why is that certain time of the month named Pre-menstrual Syndrome (PMS)? His friend anwers: because... Mad Cow Disease was already taken!

[layback40]

what did the fish say when it ran into a concrete wall?


dam!