How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

What A Coincidence!

A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence !

[drover]

A small boy has a school home work question to answer, so he asks his father "Dad, what's the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'?"
His dad thinks and then says "Right-ho son, go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with David Beckham for a million quid."
The boy toddles off and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would! She would sleep with David Beckham for a million pounds."
"OK son," says his dad. "Now go and ask your sister the same question."
The boy toddles off, and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would too!"
So then his dad says "Right, son, now go and ask your brother if he'd sleep with David Beckham for a million pounds."
The son comes back excitedly saying "Dad! Dad! He said he would too!"
"Well there you have it, son," said his dad. “Theoretically we could be sitting on three million quid. Realistically we're living with two tarts and a queer."

[layback40]

A math blogger says he's figured out 'the world's favourite number.' It turns out that it's 7. The least popular number? The fake phone number you get when you tell a girl you're a math blogger." -Jimmy Fallon



If there are no dogs in heaven then when I die I want to go where they went. (Will Rogers)



"According to a new survey being a mathematician is the best job in America. So congratulations nerds." -Craig Ferguson

[layback40]

There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband...

For example...A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Leaving the covered bodies groaning she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters she sees her husband there reading a magazine. "Hi Darling" he says "Your parents have come to visit us so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?

[layback40]

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humour you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Stroke a cat and you will have a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.

[layback40]

More weird stuff about Australia.
15. Australia has the highest electricity prices in the world. Due to the iniquitous carbon tax.
16. There were over one million feral camels in outback Australia, until the government launched the $19m Feral Camel Management Program, which aims to keep the pest problem under control.
17. Saudi Arabia imports camels from Australia (mostly for meat production).
18. Qantas once powered an interstate flight with cooking oil.
19. Per capita, Australians spend more money on gambling than any other nation.
20. In 1832, 300 female convicts mooned the governor of Tasmania. It was said that in a “rare moment of collusion with the Convict women, the ladies in the Governor’s party could not control their laughter.”
21. Australia is home to the longest fence in the world. It is 5,614 km long, and was originally built to keep dingoes away from fertile land. Strangely, it's known as "The rabbit proof fence"
22. Australia was one of the founding members of the United Nations.
23. Melbourne is considered the sporting capital of the world, as it has more top level sport available for its citizens than anywhere else.
24. Before the arrival of humans, Australia was home to megafauna: three metre tall kangaroos, seven metre long goannas, horse-sized ducks, and a marsupial lion the size of a leopard.
25. Kangaroos and emus cannot walk backward, one of the reasons that they’re on the Australian coat of arms.
26. Speaking of which, Australia is one of the only countries where we eat the animals on our coat of arms.
27. If you visited one new beach in Australia every day, it would take over 27 years to see them all.
28. Melbourne has the world’s largest Greek population outside of Athens.
29. The Great Barrier Reef is the planet’s largest living structure.
30. And it has its own postbox !

[layback40]

Two drovers standing in a bar in Tambo.
One asked, "What are you up to?"
" Ahh. I'm takin' a mob of a 1000 steers from Winton to Toowoomba."
"Oh yeah...and what route are you takin'."
"Ahhh,prob'ly the missus; after all,she stuck by me durin' the drought."