How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

My wife came in starving today so I made her a great big cheese and ham salad sandwich.

"Don't eat it just yet, just hold the plate" I said.

Five minutes later I took it off her and threw it in the bin.

"What the ********?!" she snarled.

"Remember this feeling," I said. "Next time you come to bed all sexy, in a nightie, smelling gorgeous and ask me just to hold you."

[layback40]

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued. "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind.
Two, you didn't read your homework.
And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

[layback40]

My date invited me back to her place for a beer last night.

As we walked through her door she ripped her clothes off, throwing me to her sofa.

As she pulled my cock out from my boxers and swung her leg over me I said, "Before you stick that in there, aren't you forgetting something?"

"Dont worry about a condom, I'm on the pill," she smiled.

"I was talking about my ********ing beer," I replied.

[layback40]

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

[layback40]

I was shagging this girl when she asked, "Would you mind if my twin joined in?"

Smiling, I said, "Of course not."

"Great," she replied, then walked to the door and yelled, "Derek, lube up and get in here!"

[layback40]

Apparently sex seriously improves your memory...I read that in a book.. Wait it was a magazine.. Actually I think it was the internet.

[layback40]

My wife turned to me and said, "I'm horny. Want to go upstairs?"

Smiling, I said, "Definitely."

She replied, "Great. Throw my dildo down while you're up there."