How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"

"That's obscene" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots that I have taught to pray and read the bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying...that phrase...in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

There was stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

[layback40]

See if you can work this out:

There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large red light at the bottom of the hill..

There were four men .... one was walking briskly up the hill; one was inside the brothel; one was walking slowly down the hill and the fourth man was sitting in his car at the bottom of the hill.

What were the nationalities of the four men..?

Huummmmmm..??

* The man going up the hill: was rushin

* The man in the brothel: him-a-layin

* The man walking down the hill: was finish

Now wait for it ..

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* The man in the car at the bottom was Irish, and he was waiting for the light to turn green..!

[layback40]

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest cough to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally, the drunk replies, "No use knocking, there's no paper in this one either!!..

[layback40]

I looked out the window and it was pissing down.

I thought, "F##k it, I'm not going out in that, I'll pick the kids up from school tomorrow."

[layback40]

A 17-year-old boy who works part-time at Pizza Hut drives up his parent’s driveway in a Porsche….

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.

“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.

He very calmly tells them, “ I bought it today.”

“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how much a Porsche costs and you cannot afford it”

“Well, it’s used and I Got a good deal” says the boy, “This one cost me 20 dollars.”

At this point, the parents don’t believe him and start yelling even louder.

“Who on earth would sell a car like that for 20 dollars?!”

“The woman up the street,” the boy replies.

“Name please?” Asked the mom

“I don’t know her name–she just moved in. She order a pizza and I delivered it to her and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for 20 dollars.”

“Oh my gosh,” the mom moans. “She must be some sort of crazy. Who knows what she will do next? Tim, you go right up there now and see what’s going on.”

The boy’s dad and mom hurry over to their new neighbor’s house, ready to demand an explanation. Curiously, their new neighbor is calmly planting flowers in her front yard.

“I’m the father of the kid you just sold a sports car to for $20,” the dad says. “I need an explanation from you – ASAP!”

“Well,” the woman says, not looking up from her garden. “This morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip in Florida, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn’t intend to come back.”

“What on earth does that have to do with selling our son a Porsche for $20?” The boy’s mom asks, utterly perplexed.

The new neighbor smiles very big, and pauses for a minute.

“Well, my husband asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”

[layback40]

Two female co-workers are chatting it up, and they are discussing the boyfriends they’ve had in the last year. One girl says "The last 3 boyfriends I’ve had, I’ve named after soda pops. The first one i called 7up, because he had 7 inches and he knew how to keep it up. The second one i called mountain dew, because when it came to mounting he knew what to do. The third i called Jack Daniels." Then the other girl interrupts saying "Hold on a minute. Isn’t Jack Daniels hard liquor?" The girl smiles and says "Yes he sure f##kin was"

[layback40]

If you ever get in a fight with your significant other just breathe in the helium out of a ballon and have an argument and the first one to laugh loses.