How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

A Jewish daughter says to her mother..
..... "I'm divorcing Nathan."

All he wants is sex, sex and more sex.
My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece when it used to be the size of a 5 cent piece."

Her mother says .....

"You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman,
You live in an 8 bedroom mansion
You drive a $250,000 Ferrari,
You get $2,000 a week allowance,
You take 6 vacations a year and
You want to throw all that away...

Over 45 cents..?"

[layback40]

Woman goes to gyno to get a checkup,he says thats the biggest vagina i have seen.he tells her go home put a mirror on the ground and see for yourself.she goes home and puts mirror on the ground stand over it spreadeagled and looks.her husband sees her and runs full tit and rugby_tackles her to the ground.she gets up feeling real sore and says."what did you do that for?".he exclaims."i thought you were going to fall down that hole!".

[layback40]

What do you call an angry muslim?...........
Amin Amood!!..

[layback40]

2 whales overturn a ship using their blow holes..Shall we eat the crew? asked Mr Whale.Absolutely not! said Mrs Whale...I do blow jobs,but i don't swallow seamen!!..

[layback40]

"Dear, why are there broken condoms on our couch?"
"Dave...
Would you please call our children by their names."

[layback40]

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it 'Pumping Rust'.

When people see a cat's litter box they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'An ambulance.'

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.

Birds of a feather flock together and then potty on your car.

The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

[layback40]

Ladies is this right ?

Men are like ... Laxatives ...They irritate the crap out of you.
Men are like ... Bananas ... The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like ... Vacations ... They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like ... Weather ... Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like ... Blenders ... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like ... Chocolate Bars ... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like ... Coffee ... The best ones are rich, warm, & can keep you up all night long.
Men are like ... Commercials ... You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like ... Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
Men are like ... Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to mature.
Men are like ... Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like ... Popcorn ... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like ... Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like ... Parking Spots ... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Men are like ... Snowstorms ... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.