How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[WhiteMeat]

Originally Posted by layback40

Two aboriginal guys were in a bar talking, and one says to the other, "You
ever notice after you have sex with a white woman that your eyes burn, your
nose burns and you get all teary-eyed?"

The second aboriginal guy says, "Yeah, all the time."

The first one asked, "Why is that?"

The second says, "I'm pretty sure it's the pepper spray."

Love that one lol

[layback40]

I organised a threesome last night...

There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a good time.

[layback40]

When i was a kid i walked into the bathroom just as my Grandad got out the bath, "Why is the hair on your head white but the hair down there jet black?" i asked.
He replied, "Because i've got no worries down there lad."

[layback40]

A young man with his pants hanging half off his arse,

two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain

around his neck; walked into the local welfare office

to pick up his cheque.

He marched up to the counter and said, "G'day,

You know, I just HATE drawing welfare.

I'd really rather have a job.

I don't like taking advantage of the System, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent.

We Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his 2015 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.

You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.

This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges

as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive."

The kid, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well... You started it."

[layback40]

How Adam Got Eve - Priceless

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely....

So, God asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion

And that it would be a woman.

He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,

And when you discover clothing, she will wash them for you.

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,
and
will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.

She will praise you!

She will bear your children.

And never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

'She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion
whenever you need it.'

Adam asked God, 'And what will a woman like this cost?'

'An arm and a leg.'

Then Adam asked, 'What can I get for a rib?’

Of course the rest is history..... ..........!!

[layback40]

A marriage guidance councillor asked my wife and I to describe our sex life with a film title,
"Gone in sixty seconds, " said my wife sarcastically,
"Enter the dragon, " I replied!!..

[layback40]

Teacher tells class to make a sentence using the word dough.
Little Jane raises her hand, "In Italy they make pizza using special dough". "Very good" says teacher.
Little Mary raises her hand, "My baby brother makes dinosaurs out of play dough". "Excellent" says teacher.
Little Johnny raises his hand, "My mummy says dad is so useless she has to use a dil dough!!..