How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

I took my 6-year-old son camping at the weekend. As we sat around the fire he said, "Dad, I need a poo."

"Go and have one then," I said. "That's the beauty of camping, you can shit anywhere you want and you can't get into trouble."

He walked off and came back a few minutes later.

"Where did you have one?" I asked.

He said, "In your car."

[layback40]

A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few
drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed.
They're having a great time. She was on top when suddenly
she had an epileptic seizure -- she was shaking and foaming at
the mouth. Our uninformed male thought this was incredible --
best sex he'd ever had.
He finished, but she is still shaking and thrashing about with
her seizure. He began to get nervous and took her to the
emergency room.
A nurse asked what the problem was and he replied, "I think
her orgasm's stuck!"

[layback40]

A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback. On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar. "For ********'s sake!" the bloke cried, "what the hell's going on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke shagging a sheep, and now some bloke's wanking himself off in the bar!" "Fair dinkum, mate," the bartender told him, "you can't expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep"

[layback40]

The train was quite crowded, and a U.S. Marine walked the entire length
looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed,
middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular.
‘Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was
under that dog.
'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'
She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little
dog, tossed it out of the train window and sat down.
The woman shrieked" Oh mon dieu, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American savage should be put in his place!'
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up,
'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.
You hold the fork in the wrong hand.
You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.
And now, Sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the
window.'!!

[layback40]

The Wife says to her Husband, - I'm already 48, yet, one of your friends still finds me sexy!
The Husband replied - Must be that Joey Jackson!
The Wife said -" How did you know"?
The Husband replied,- "Because He's a scrap dealer"!

[layback40]

The Wife said to me, "if I catch you watching porn on your PC. again I'll bang your head against the Keyboopgffhjjjdccrewsfgytuijhhhnnnmb!!..

[layback40]

Wooohooo!!!
Just found £12.86 and a hat outside the train station.
I thought some guy was going to pick them up but he seemed more interested in playing his guitar, so f@rk it!!..