How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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My Welsh mates missus never had an orgasm so they decided to see the Doctor to find out why. After a number of tests and questions the Doc suggested his misses may be overheating during sex. Taffy being tight decided not to buy a fan but to get his best mate round to waft a towel over them during sex. After 20 minutes of shagging/wafting still no orgasm so his friend suggested a swap, he'd shag the missus while Taffy wafts the towel. Taff agreed and within 2 minutes his missus is screaming in pleasure and has a massive orgasm, Taffy turns slowly towards his mate, sticks his chest out proud as you like and says ... "And that old son, is how you waft a f@rkin towel!!..

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Being British.....
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish Kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most British thing of all?
Suspicion of anything Foreign.
Only in Britain .... Can a pizza get to your house Faster
than an ambulance.
Only in Britain .... Do supermarkets make sick People walk all the way
to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions While healthy
people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain ... Do People order double cheeseburgers, large fries
and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain .... Do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens
to the Counters.
Only in Britain ... Do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on The
drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain .... Do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call Waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
want to talk to in The first place.
Only in Britain .... Are there disabled parking places in Front of a
skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION... 3 Brits die each year testing of A 9v battery works
on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not Removing all pins from new
shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using Sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by Watering their Christmas tree while
the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Cracker
pulling accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of Plastic toys pulled
out of the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious Burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.
A Massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
opening Bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in Accidents involving out of Control
Scalextric cars.
And finally......... In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst
throwing up into the toilet...

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I couldn't be happier since I bought a CD of ice cream van music.
Now I spend my weekends driving around villages with the stereo on full blast, watching the confusion and disappointment on all the little boys and girls faces!!..

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My wife said to me...."Lets go out and tonight, get really pissed then have a good shag" I replied..."Sounds like a great idea, if you're home before me leave the key under the wheelie Bin!!.

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I stopped my car beside a prostitute last night and as she got in I asked, "How much for a blow job?"

She said, "Thirty quid."

I said, "Can you do twenty?"

"Yes, okay" she replied.

I said, "Great, here's £600 then."..

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My wife is wearing one of those skirts where you can just see the edge of her bum poking out, I'd probably find it really sexy if the skirt wasn't knee length!!..

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The UN have just completed a world wide survey "In your honest opinion, what is the solution to a possible food shortage..?"

Sadly this was a failure because..1 The Eastern Europeans did not know what Honest meant.

2. Western Europeans did not know what shortage was.

3. Africa did not know what food was.

4. China did not know what opinion was.

5. Middle East had never heard of solution.

6. USA did not know what the rest of the world meant and Australia and NZ put the phone down when they heard the Indian voice.