How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[Banshee]

Tha'll shalt not challenge large busses or trucks whilst driving in thine Mini Minor.

Or SUVs on a puddle lined road when you have you windows down!

[bgbazz]

Problem is, the car was in the right all the time..SUV overtaking on a solid white line, failing to give way to his right and overtaking in danger..all serious offences over here. SUV driver is probably still trying to work out why all his tyres were slashed and his windows broken when he got up next morning!

Sadly, that type of driving is quite normal over here.

[Banshee]

True, the car had what my brother in law called, "the rights of stupidity." He had the right of way, but under some circumstances, exercising those rights is just stupid. So in this case, he had the right to be stupid. No point getting yourself into danger just because someone else is a dipshit.

And to get back on track...



Couple of phones, keyboard mouse, monitor and a bottle of Windex... I'm stuffed!

[bgbazz]

The point is, when you're arguing with an idiot, make sure he's not doing the same.

[layback40]

Sometimes the impossible happens even in Australia.

As we Australians would say: "Serve the bastards right!"

Who Employs These Idiots.A True Story

A man living in Kandos (near Mudgee in NSW, Australia) received a bill in
March for his as yet unused gas line stating that he owed $0.00.
He ignored it and threw it away. In April he received another bill and threw
that one away too. The following month the gas company sent him a very nasty
note stating that they were going to cancel his gas line if he didn't send
them $0.00 by return mail.
He called them, talked to them, and they said it was a computer error and
they would take care of it. The following month he decided that it was about
time that he tried out the troublesome gas line figuring that if there was
usage on the account it would put an end to this ridiculous predicament.
However, when he went to use the gas, it had been cut off.
He called the gas company who apologized for the computer error once again
and said that they would take care of it. The next day he got a bill for
$0.00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken to
them the previous day the latest bill was yet another mistake, he ignored
it, trusting that the company would be as good as their word and sort the
problem out.
The next month he got a bill for $0.00. This bill also stated that he had 10
days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the debt.
Finally, giving in, he thought he would beat the gas company at their own
game and mailed them a cheque for $0.00. The computer duly processed his
account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the gas
company nothing at all.
A week later, the manager of the Mudgee branch of the Westpac Banking
Corporation called our hapless friend and asked him what he was doing
writing cheque for $0.00. After a lengthy explanation the bank manager
replied that the $0.00 cheque had caused their cheque processing software to
fail. The bank could therefore not process ANY cheques They had received
from ANY of their customers that day because the Cheque for $0.00 had caused
the computer to crash.
The following month the man received a letter from the gas company claiming
that his cheque had bounced and that he now owed them $ 0.00 and unless he
sent a cheque by return mail they would take immediate steps to recover the debt.
At this point, the man decided to file a debt harassment claim against the
gas company. It took him nearly two hours to convince the clerks at the
local courthouse that he was not joking. They subsequently helped him in the
drafting of statements which were considered substantive evidence of the
aggravation and difficulties he had been forced to endure during this debacle.
The matter was heard in the Magistrate's Court in Mudgee and the outcome was this:

The gas company was ordered to:
[1] Immediately rectify their computerized accounts system or Show Cause,
within 10 days, why the matter should not be referred to a higher court for
consideration under Company Law.
[2] Pay the bank dishonor fees incurred by the man.
[3] Pay the bank dishonor fees incurred by all the Westpac clients whose
cheques had been bounced on the day our friend's had been processed.
[4] Pay the claimant's court costs; and
[5] Pay the claimant a total of $1500 per month for the 5 month period March
to July inclusive as compensation for the aggravation they had caused their
client to suffer.
And all this over $0.00


This story can also be viewed on the ABC website - Who employs these idiots?
Remember, these "people" walk among us and breathe the same air we do.
And they VOTE!!!!!!!!

[layback40]

1. Two blondes walk into a building .........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
>
> 2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...'
>
> 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
> The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'
>
> 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day - but I couldn't find any.
>
> 5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
>
> 6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
> The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.
>
> 7. I went to a seafood disco last week.and pulled a muscle.
>
> 8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
>
> 9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
>
> 10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
> Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'
>
> 11. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'
> 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. '
> 'Is it common?'
> 'It's not unusual.'
>
> 12. A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
> 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
> So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.
> Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?'
> 'No, because he's really heavy'
>
> 13. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my bottom.'
> 'How's that?'
> 'Don't you start.'
>
> 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>
> 15. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?'
> I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it..'
>
> 16. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
>
> 17. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat bastard!'
>
> 18. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
>
> 19. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
> They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.'
>
> 20. A man walked into the doctor's, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places'
> The doctor said, 'Well don't go there any more'
>
> 21. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

[bruggz351]

Dear Mum,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast on his leg. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put petrol on a fire, the petrol will blow up?

The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes.
Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.

We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Ted is brilliant . Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any policemen. All we ever see up there are huge lorries carrying logs.

This morning all of the boys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's cement because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even tell us off about the not wearing life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.

Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he worked out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.
Bruce x x x