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09-07-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,887 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,640
Liked 6,591 Times in 4,361 Posts
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Paddy and Mick are in jail. Mick looks through the bars of Paddy's cell to see him hanging by his feet.
Mick: Paddy, what are you doing?
Paddy : I'm trying to hang myself.
Mick: Surely the rope should be around your neck Paddy?
Paddy: I tried that Mick, but I couldn't breathe!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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09-07-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,887 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,640
Liked 6,591 Times in 4,361 Posts
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Only the Aussies would understand this....
Queensland Police Service
Police are considering opening an investigation into the current whereabouts of the NSW #Origin team!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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09-07-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,887 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,640
Liked 6,591 Times in 4,361 Posts
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I pulled up next to a woman driver at the traffic lights today and shouted at her, "Hey! Don't you know how to use your f#cking mirrors?"
"Yes, of course I do!" she snapped
I replied, "Well, try using one to put some make-up on before you go out in public, you ugly ********!"...
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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09-07-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,887 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,640
Liked 6,591 Times in 4,361 Posts
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A doctor walks into a room full of patients at a mental institution, takes out a pen, and draws a door on the wall.
He then tells all the patients that whoever wants to escape should use that door.
Immediately they all rush towards it, but of course cannot go through.
However, one patient sits still in the back with a smile on his face.
He has not moved at all.
The doctor thinks he must be cured.
He then asks the patient why he did not rush to the door, and the patient whispers, "They don't know that I'm the one who has the key!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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09-07-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,887 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,640
Liked 6,591 Times in 4,361 Posts
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Based on statics,the most common sexual position amongst married couples,is doggy style...This is where the husband sits and begs,while the wife rolls over and plays dead!! 
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
09-07-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,887 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,640
Liked 6,591 Times in 4,361 Posts
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I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, "Nothing would make me happier than diamond earrings."
So I got her nothing.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
09-07-2015
|
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,887 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,640
Liked 6,591 Times in 4,361 Posts
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Louis, the French Fighter Pilot, was lying with his mistress naked in bed. As he was kissing her red, red lips, he stopped.
"To kiss your red lips, I need red wine." So he poured red wine over her lips and continued to kiss her. He moved on to her white, white breasts.
"To kiss your white breasts, I need white wine." So he poured white wine over her breasts and continued to kiss them. He then moved on to her bush. He poured brandy all over it and set it alight.
"Louis!" she screamed. "What are you doing?"
"Baby," he said, "when I go down, I GO DOWN IN FLAMES!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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