How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

So anyway, I'm behind this prick who can't f#cking drive. Weaving all
Over the place and hasn't got a f#cking clue.

I'm roaring, "You f#cking Paki bastard Learn to drive!! And while
You're at it, why don't you f#ck off back to your own country you
Smelly pr!ck.

You know what the cheeky bastard did?

Stopped and said, "Get out of my taxi!"

[bruggz351]

[cruiserlux]

A farmer from the outback trsvels to Sydney to get himself a wife. He finds a suitable young lady and they travel back to his station on his horse and cart. As they approach a rivrr crossing the horse refuses to enter the river. The garmer looks at the horse and says "Thats once" They continue on their journey until they reach a cross road. The horse refuses to cross the road. The farmer looks at the horse and says "Thats twice". Again they continue on their journey. They finally reach the station gate. The farmer gets off the csrt and opens the gate, but the horse refuses to go through. The farmer says "Thats three times" gets out his gun and shoots the horse. His young wife is shocked and says "What the hell did you do that for?" the farmer looks at his wife and says "Thats once"

Sent from my GT-I9100T using Tapatalk 2

[layback40]

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim
Terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.
Lets have a look at the evidence:
- No Christmas
- No television
-No nude women
- No football
- No pork chops
- No hot dogs
- No burgers
- No beer
- No bacon
- Rags for clothes
- Towels for hats
- Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower
- More than one wife
More than one mother in law
- You can't shave
- Your wife can't shave
- You can't wash off the smell of donkey
- You cook over burning camel shit
- Your wife is picked by someone else for you
- and your wife smells worse than your donkey
Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"??
Well no shit Sherlock!....
It's not like it could get much worse

[Dustbowl]

Originally Posted by layback40

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim
Terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.
Lets have a look at the evidence:
- No Christmas
- No television
-No nude women
- No football
- No pork chops
- No hot dogs
- No burgers
- No beer
- No bacon
- Rags for clothes
- Towels for hats
- Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower
- More than one wife
More than one mother in law
- You can't shave
- Your wife can't shave
- You can't wash off the smell of donkey
- You cook over burning camel shit
- Your wife is picked by someone else for you
- and your wife smells worse than your donkey
Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"??
Well no shit Sherlock!....
It's not like it could get much worse

Bahahahahahahaha its so true !!!

[layback40]

At the risk of offending any followers of Islam

I might go to church and thank God for this one







The Pearly Gates





A Muslim dies,, and by some error in his handling,, ends up in heaven.


He’s stopped at the Pearly Gates by St Peter who says:
"Sorry, but we don’t allow Muslims into Heaven".




"What?,,,, replies the Muslim, and why not"?
"Well, we just don’t!!,,,, and thats it,,, we're short on Virgins".
The Muslim complains and carries on until St Peter gets fed up.
"Well,,,, says St Peter, have you ever done anything good in your life"?



Ummm--the Muslim replies.
"Yes, the other day a lady stopped me on the street collecting
for a children’s charity so I gave her ten pounds.




Last week I donated ten pounds to the Cancer Society,




and a couple of weeks ago a tramp asked me if I could spare any money,,,







so I gave him ten pounds too"!

"Alrighty then, says St Peter,,, wait here and I'll have a quick word with God".





Five minutes later St Peter returns and says to the Muslim.
Listen, I’ve spoken with God and he agrees with me .. . .



Here’s your 30 quid back,,,,,,,,,, now fu*k off!!!

Maybe this could be a cheap solution for boat people?

Heres what you paid the people smugglers ~ now .............

[layback40]

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. 'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!'He slams the door and returns to bed. 'Who was that?' asked his wife. 'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers. 'Did you help him?' she asks. 'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!''Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!' The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?' 'Yes,' comes back the answer. 'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband. 'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark. 'Where are you?' asks the husband. 'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk