How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

I've been going to Weight Watchers for 3 years & it doesn't seem to be working my poor darling wife said glumly. It's really starting to get me down. Oh come on love, you'll get there, I replied trying to encourage her, Keep your chins up, pet!!..

[layback40]

I've put my name down to join the local Feminists Society.
Hopefully once they see what an informed and enlightened kind of guy I am, I'll get to pump a few of them!!..

[layback40]

A beautiful young blonde with an Irish accent arrived at the casino. She seemed slightly intoxicated although not entirely under the weather. She wanted to bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

“I hope you don’t mind,” she said, speaking to the two young men at the table, the operator and the supervisor, “but I feel much luckier if I’m in the nude”.

They said there were no house rules against it so she stripped naked.

The dice was rolled and the pretty nude called, in her Irish accent, “C’mon, now, be good to me…!”

The dice rolled and stopped. With a scream, the blonde started to jump up and down, squealing, “I won! I won!” She scooped up the winnings and her clothes, hugged the two young men and quickly departed.

The operator looked dumbfounded at the supervisor and finally managed to say, “What did she roll?”

The supervisor replied, “I dunno, I thought you were watching”.



THE MORAL:

Not all drunks are incapable.

Not all blondes are silly.

Not all Irish are gullible.

But men… will always be men!

[layback40]

PRAYER FOR GRANDPA
This is just too beautiful not to share.



Dear God,
Please send clothes for all those poor ladies on Grandpa's computer.

Amen

[layback40]

Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"
The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"
The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos.
I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner!!.

[layback40]

Know why single women are so thin?
They come home, look in the fridge and go to bed,
married women come home, look in the bed and go to the fridge.

[layback40]

It's Thanks to my Beautiful children that I am what I am today...Tired,skint and worn out!!..