How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

Little Johnny is asked by his teacher: “What is the most wonderful thing in life for you?”
“Well, sir,” says Johnny, “when I think about it, the most wonderful thing in life for me is a pretty girl with big tits and a wet pussy.”
The teacher is infuriated and writes a note that Little Johnny has to give to his father.
The next day, the teacher asks: “So, Johnny, what did your daddy say?”
“Well, sir,” says Johnny, “we sat down in the living room and drank an espresso, read your note and talked, then we poured ourselves a cognac, smoked a joint and talked some more. In the end, we decided you must be a f#rking queer!!.

[layback40]

A NEW SUPERMARKET OPENED IN TOWN RECENTLY.
It has an automatic water mist to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of the fresh rain.
When you pass the milk containers, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mowed hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal-grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the location of the eggs, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh-baked bread and cookies.
I DON'T BUY TOILET PAPER THERE ANYMORE!!..

[layback40]

I was sat minding my own business the other day when some girl comes up to me and says "Excuse me. How do you spell Apple?"
"Apple?" I said. "That's one of the easiest words in the English language! My God, you must be absolutely thick as pig shit! F##k me. How old are you?"
"Four" she said, crying.
Anyway long story short, I'm no longer a nursery teacher.

[layback40]

My friend said to me, "My wife makes Susan Boyle look beautiful."
I said, "Thank God you said that. I've been wanting to say something for years. She's so f@rking ugly. What were you thinking when you married her?"
He said, "...No, you f@rking prick, she's Susan's new personal make-up artist!!..

[layback40]

My wife doesn't know this but I put a pound coin in a jar everytime we have sex.
The money I save up through the year will be used for her Christmas gift.
So far, she's getting a big mac!!..

[layback40]

I ordered a sex-toy off the Internet, a custom-made scale replica of my wife's vagina.
On the day it was due to be delivered I sat anxiously at my window, waiting for my postman. After what felt like forever, he came struggling down my path with a big tatty box in his hands, all dented and the flaps torn, blowing around in the breeze.
I thought they would've at least f@rking wrapped it.

[layback40]

A woman has just come up to me outside the train station in Sydney, holding an unlit cig. She said, "Have you got a light cock?"
I replied, "Well it floats in the bath!!..