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02-08-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,863 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,620
Liked 6,588 Times in 4,361 Posts
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Apparently masturbation may help prevent the common cold.
Hope so,
I've got no f@rking tissues left.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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02-08-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,863 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,620
Liked 6,588 Times in 4,361 Posts
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Give a man an inch he takes a mile... give a woman an inch and she will laugh her f@rkin head off!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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02-08-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,863 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,620
Liked 6,588 Times in 4,361 Posts
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A fireman looked out of the firehouse window and noticed a little boy playing on the sidewalk.
He had small ladders hung on the side of his little red wagon, and a garden hose coiled up in it.
He was wearing a fireman's hat.
He had the wagon tied to his dog, so that the dog could pull the wagon.
The fireman thought this was really cute, so he went out and told the little boy what a great looking fire truck he had.
As he did, he noticed that the dog was tied to the wagon by his testicles.
The fireman said, "Son, I don't want to tell you how to run your fire company or anything, but I think if you would tie that rope around the dog's neck you would go faster."
Maybe so," said the little boy, "but then I'd lose my siren!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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02-08-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,863 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,620
Liked 6,588 Times in 4,361 Posts
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I was at my mate's house when his wife asked, "Do I have anything on my cheeks?" to which, he responded, "Which cheeks?" She gave a cheeky smile and a giggle, and it looked like he was going to get laid that night.
I tried a similar thing, and for some reason didn't get laid...
My wife happened to ask, "Do I have anything on my chin?" to which I responded, "Which chin!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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02-08-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,863 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,620
Liked 6,588 Times in 4,361 Posts
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Why do people on Facebook and other social networking websites sometimes use that relationship status "it's complicated"?
I mean come on! We all know if you use that status you are single but still shagging your ex so whats so complicated about it!!.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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02-08-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,863 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,620
Liked 6,588 Times in 4,361 Posts
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A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. "Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.
So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ..."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth!!.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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03-08-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,863 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,620
Liked 6,588 Times in 4,361 Posts
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I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.
I shouted - "Where you off to Charlie?"
He said, "I'm off to change a light bulb."
Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said,
"That's gonna be a bit awkward init?"
"Not really." he said. "I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard."
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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