How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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My gay lover's annoyed that I swapped his haemorrhoid cream with lemon juice.
Talk about sour grapes!!.

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I have a little Satnav
It sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are
I have a little Satnav
I've had it all my life
It’s better than the normal ones
My Satnav is my wife
It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"
It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake
It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene
It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice
It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while
I could turn the damned thing off!!..

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My wife is so jealous,one night I came home late drunk and she could not find a blonde red or black hair on Me, she accused me off sleeping with a bald woman!!..

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I went to visit my gorgeous drop dead aunt and found her lying naked on top of her bed not breathing.
not wanting to miss a chance I stripped and got on her as she was still warmish
after a couple of pumps she sat up and shouted boo! I fooled ye.
I mean what kind of sick f@rker does something like that?..

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Captain Kirk actor William Shatner once asked Stevie Nicks of fleetwood mac to marry him, she declined.
She didn't want to be known as Stevie Shatner-Nicks!!..

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Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!!..

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Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone.
She decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore.
After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.
When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter.
Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number.
His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone. "Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes then will join you," he said.
"As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!"
Then he hung up and walked out of the room. In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter.
Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot, I am going out to buy bread!!.