How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

Fifty Shades of Grey Hair



The missus bought a Paperback

down Dymocks, Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
T'€™was “fifty shades of grey€�.

Well I just left her to it,
At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread..

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Doris hasn'€™t weathered well;
She'€™s eighty four next week.

Watching Doris bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and€
Said. I must dominate her!!

Now if you knew our Doris,
You'€™d see just why I spluttered,
I'€™d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd muttered.

She stood there nude, naked like;
Bent forward just a bit.
I thought what the hell,
Stepped forward,
and stood on her left tit!

Doris screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
€œStep on the other one!!

Well readers, I can'€™t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair¦.
Turned fifty shades of Grey€�.

[layback40]

The female dentist prepares the needle to give the bloke

with the toothache an anaesthetic injection.

€œ"No way! No needles, I hate needles!"€� the guy said.

So the dentist starts to hook up her nitrous oxide gas

and the man objects again. "€œI can't do the gas thing either.

The thought of having the gas mask on my face makes me faint!"€�

She then asks the guy if he has any objection to taking a pill.

"€œNo objection,"� the patient says. "I'm fine with pills."�

When she returns she says, €"Here's a Viagra and a glass of water."

The guy says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"

"It doesn't" she said, "But it'€™ll give you something to hold on to while

I pull your tooth out...........

[anthonygubbin]

Originally Posted by layback40

The female dentist prepares the needle to give the bloke

with the toothache an anaesthetic injection.

€œ"No way! No needles, I hate needles!"€� the guy said.

So the dentist starts to hook up her nitrous oxide gas

and the man objects again. "€œI can't do the gas thing either.

The thought of having the gas mask on my face makes me faint!"€�

She then asks the guy if he has any objection to taking a pill.

"€œNo objection,"� the patient says. "I'm fine with pills."�

When she returns she says, €"Here's a Viagra and a glass of water."

The guy says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"

"It doesn't" she said, "But it'€™ll give you something to hold on to while

I pull your tooth out...........

Love it. I am going to send that one on to som FB friends.

[anthonygubbin]

Just sent my friend the dentist joke, Layback. Only prob was I had to get another ganza at the female (gorilla) body builder from an old message. Ooooooh I am feelling ill now.

Regards A

[layback40]

An Irishman applying for a job as a blacksmith was asked if he had any
experience shoeing horses.

He said no, but he had once told a donkey to f#ck off!

[layback40]

I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. . . . . .It makes the wife
look like she's moving during sex.

I'm about to take part in the Great Bankstown Run. It's not an official
race, I just stand in the city centre & shout "Allah is a Tosser" & then off
we go....

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would
be just like winning the lottery! I agreed, and they were right. We all
stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

A Muslim has died whilst training to be a skydiver. The BNP School of Diving
said they had no idea why his snorkel and flippers did not open.

Such an unfair world:- When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered
sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $5.50/min (charges
may vary).

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife.
Bound to end in tears though; she's crap at snooker.

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my
feet and we ended up having sex right there and then. God, I love my new taser!

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a
small white area. I've called him Footscray.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine 'flu from tins of
ham - delete it. It's spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong but
I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this
beer belly.

[layback40]

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate. The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.. A week passes and he receives another parcel and note: Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part. The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.