How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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A mother of a teenage boy was cleaning his room and found a stash of bondage magazines under his bed. Not wanting to embarrass her son, she decided to talk to her husband. She asked him what should she do about it? To which he replied "well, I don't think you should spank him"!!!

[layback40]

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England. She raised her right arm revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, a bleary-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them revealing the same hairy armpit and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's none of my business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her 'the ballerina' ?"
The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!!..

[layback40]

Paddy walked up to a guy in the street, and asked, "Have you seen my daughter? She's been missing since yesterday," then showed him a photo.
Confused, he said, "That's just a picture of an empty chair."
"I know, mate," Paddy replied. "I just told you she's f@rking missing!!

[layback40]

A flashy showgirl married a 97 year-old retired well-to-do General, largely because she held the belief that the old codger wouldn't even survive the wedding night.
While her new husband was in the bathroom, the woman slipped into a black see-through nightie and struck her most seductive pose upon the bed.
When the old man finally emerged, she was startled to see that he was stark naked except for earplugs, a clothes pin on his nose and a condom.
"Why are you wearing those?" she asked in amazement.
"Because if there's anything I just can't stand, "he grumbled, "it's the sound of a woman screaming and the smell of burning rubber!!..

[layback40]

I've never had a nickname and I'm always really jealous of people who have a really cool one, like my pal Shagger.
But for some reason, she hates it.........

[layback40]

A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.
"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."
"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener!!..

[layback40]

My friend swallowed his phone and got it stuck in his throat. What an idiot I could ring his neck!!..