How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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From:kathy smith......A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar. He turned to the astonished patrons and said, 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the 'gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed.

In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.' The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The 'gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head.

The 'gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.'

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up at the end of the bar and a woman timidly spoke up.

'I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle.'

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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

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Is sex work??
An Infantry Major was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the Major decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"
A Captain chimed in with 75-25% in favour of work.
A Lieutenant said it was 50-50%.
A 2nd Lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favour of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the Major turned to the Private who was in charge of making the coffee.
What was his opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young Private responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."
The Major was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
God Bless the lower ranks.

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This morning on the motorway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Ford Puma doing 100mph, with her face up against the rear view mirror, putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple of seconds, and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still putting on her eyeliner. As a man, I don't scare easily, but she scared me so much that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked my McMuffin out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car, using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile phone, which fell away from my ear into my coffee which was between my legs, splashed and burned big Jim and the twins, ruined the phone, soaked my trousers and disconnected an important call.
F@rking women drivers!!..

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I would like to thank my legs for supporting me, my arms for being by my side, and lastly my fingers because I can always count on them.

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To a woman, everything is 'cute' when it is small.
Except for ********** and bank balances.

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If you're feeling bored, find a group photo of 4 girls on Facebook and then comment, "You 3 look great!"