How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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Dating, "I'm just going to slip into something a little more comfortable = Stocking's, suspenders, fancy knickers and silk nightie.

Married, "I'm just going to slip into something a little more comfortable = Big pants, onsie, dressing gown and big fluffy bunny slippers..

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An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?' The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.' So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?' The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.' The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus me brother?' The drunk again answers, 'No, oi I haven't found Jesus.' By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again - but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds And when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?' The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, 'Are you sure this is where He fell in?'

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"new york rule" states, you can ever only have 2 of 3 things, A good place to live, A good relationship/lover, and a good job. any attempts to get all 3 will mean the loss of one of the others you already have.

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Brave Harley Biker

A Harley biker is strolling through the Taronga Park zoo, Sydney, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lions' cage.

Suddenly, a lion pounces at the fence and grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl and the biker brings her to her terrified parents who thank him endlessly.

An ABC TV team by chance recorded the entire event. The reporter has also watched the whole event.

The reporter, addressing the biker says, 'Mate, that was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'

The Harley rider replies ‘It was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed.

I'm a journalist and tonight’s 7 O’clock News and 7.30 Report will run this story at the top of the program. So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you

The biker replied, 'I'm an SAS soldier just returned from Afghanistan and a Liberal party supporter.'

The ABC journalist makes a few notes and

That evening the biker sits down to watch the news report of his actions, and sees first thing on the news:

‘SAS SOLDIER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.’

Pretty much sums up the ABC's media's approach these days.

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I came home from work early today. As I came through the door, my wife ran down the stairs half naked and some bloke with a can of lager in his hand followed her.
I couldn't believe it - those were my f@rking beers!!..

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CARP: Canadian Association of Retired People
Questions and Answers from CARP Forum
Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible... Is that true?
Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt..."
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60 year-old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out..
Q: Why should 60 plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem; retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

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Two blondes walk beside each other down the street. One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it and says, "This girl looks so familiar, but I can't remember where I know her from." The other girl grabs it from her hand, takes a look at it, and says, "It's me you idiot!"