How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then Im against it.But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then Im for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."

[layback40]

A cowboy walks in to a bar and says," I want a beer." So after he drank his beer he was about to leave then he noticed that his horse was gone.He shouted," if i dont get my horse back after this beer i am gonna have to do what i did in Georgia. So he finished his beer and he saw his horse was back so he got on and rode a little, then the bartender asked out the window what did you have in Georgia? i had to walk home.

[layback40]

A drunk is refused a drink in a bar, so he undertakes to prove to the barman that he is sober. He gestures toward a cat near the doorway and says, "You see that cat coming in the door? It has two eyes. If I were drunk, Id see four!" The bartender looks, then pauses a moment. Finally he responds, "Youre drunker than I thought!", taking the rest of the alcohol away, "That cat isnt coming in, its going out!"

[layback40]

A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, Im Jesus Christ. The first priest says, No, son, Im Jesus Christ. So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest replies, No, son, Im Jesus Christ. The drunk says, Look, I can prove it. and walks back into the bar with the priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, Jesus Christ, your here again?

[layback40]

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?" he asks the drunk. "Im looking for my car, and I cant find it." "So how does feeling the roof help you?" He asked the drunk. "Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!!"

[layback40]

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club."Youll be driving later," replies the bartender.

[layback40]

A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?" "Yep".Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didnt want to face the mans irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But b efore he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, protect me from this man.Hes been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!"