How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After checking all of her vitals and running the usual tests, the doctor said, "Well, Running Doe, you are in fine health. I could find no problems. I did notice one anomaly, however. "

"Oh, what is that, Doctor? "

"Well, you have no nipples. "

"None of the people in my tribe have nipples, " she replied.

"That is amazing, " said the doctor. "I'd like to write this up for The South Carolina Journal of Medicine, if you don't mind. "

She said, "OK. "

"First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe? " She answered, "approximately 500. " "And what is the name of your tribe?" asked the doctor.

Running Doe replied, "We're called, 'The Indiannippleless Five Hundred'"

[layback40]

To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his apartment building to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude.

Unfortunately, he fell asleep and his Johnson was sunburnt.

Being very determined, he decided not to miss his date with the hot blonde, so, he put some ointment on the beast and wrapped it in gauze.

The young man's date, a beautiful blonde, showed up at his apartment for the promised home cooked meal, and was treated to a feast.

After they finished with the dinner they went into the living room to watch a movie.

During the movie, the young man's sunburn began to hurt.

After several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused.

A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain, so he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned member into the milk.

He experienced immediate relief.

The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his "tool" immersed in the glass of milk.

With a look of understanding the Blonde exclaimed,

"SO, THAT'S HOW YOU RELOAD THOSE THINGS"

[layback40]

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy the first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald frowned and said, "No."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.

So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.

"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled one out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.

The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put that on your bill?

"No!" Donald quacked, "What kind of a pervert do you think I am?"

[layback40]

An old man on the beach walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini, "I want to feel your breasts" he exclaimed.

"Get away from me, you crazy old man" she replied.

"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars" he says.

Again, she told him,"Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!

I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS" he says.

"NO! Get away from me"

"TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS" he says.

She pauses to think about it, but then comes to her senses and says "I said NO!"

"FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts" he says.

She thinks, well, he is old, and he seems harmless enough... and five hundred dollars is a lot of money.... "Well, OK...but only for a minute" she says.

She loosens her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slides his hands underneath and begins to feel... and then he starts saying, "OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD..." while he is caressing them.

So out of curiosity, she asks him, "Why do you keep saying 'Oh my god, oh my god'?"

While continuing to feel her breasts he answers: "OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD... Where am I ever going to get five hundred dollars?"

[layback40]

https://www.facebook.com/LeaveMeAlon...429260/?type=3

[layback40]

A drunk walks into a bar and stands next to a wise ass.

The wise ass walks up to a woman seated at the bar and whispers, "Tickle your ass with a feather?"

The lady spins around indignantly and says, "What did you say to me?"

"Particular' nasty weather!" answers the wise ass. "Oh," says the woman.

The drunk thinks this is uproariously funny.

The wise ass moves on to another lady, saying, "Tickle your ass with a feather?"

After the lady asks him to repeat his profane inquiry, he answers, "Particular' nasty weather!"

"Well yes it is, she answers."

The drunk can stand it no longer, and asks the wise ass if he could try the little joke. "Be my guest," replies Mr Smarty-pants.

So the drunk walks up to a likely young woman and blurts out, "F*ck you...It's raining."

[layback40]

A beautiful girl wanted to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks. He is about to leave when the girl says in a sexy voice, "Oh Santa, please stay."

Santa replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go,
Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice, "Oh Santa, please stay."

Santa replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go,
Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

Santa begins to sweat.

The girl takes off her bra and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay."

Santa replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go,
Gotta go, gotta get the resents to the children, you know."

Santa wipes his brow.

She loses the panties and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay....."

Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow says,
"HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay,
Can't get up the chimney with my pecker this way!"