How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, “Please come over here and help me… I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”
Her boyfriend asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The blonde said, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”
Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”
He took her hand and said, “Second, I’d want you to relax… Let’s have a nice cup of hot chocolate, and then…”
He sighed, “let’s put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”

[layback40]

A blonde decides to do something crazy she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the dirty movie store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. Blonde: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static." Store Clerk: "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" Blonde: "It's called 'Head Cleaner'

[layback40]

A Chinese couple got divorced. She went back to her mothers in Peking, He went back to Wanking.

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Paddy and Mick are in a two-man plane that is spiralling out of control.
Mick says, "If the plane turns upside down, d'ya think we'll fall out?"
"Of course not," Paddy replies, "we've been mates for years!"

[layback40]

Why did God give men penises?
So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

[layback40]

I came home from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"You tell me???" replied my wife.
I said, "I don't know, you're sitting on the sofa with a complete stranger."
"A complete stranger, hey?" shouted my girlfriend, "I'm no stranger, we've been having sex for six months!"
I then looked at my wife and said, "Is this true?"

[layback40]

Paddy and Mick are walking through the jungle. Paddy is carrying a telephone box on his back and Mick is carrying a huge anvil. After a while, Mick asks Paddy why he is carrying a telephone box.
"If a lion comes along," says Paddy, "I'll put the telephone box down, get inside and call for help"
"Not bad," says Mick.
Later, Paddy asks Mick why he is carrying an anvil.
"Simple," says Mick. "If a lion comes along, I'll drop the anvil and then I'll be able to run faster."