How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger.
She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.
The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed.
She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair.
She mentioned this to her husband when he came home.
He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden.
I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself."
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?" "No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department.
The girl finished her bath and went to bed.
Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him,
"Did you see it?" "Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."
"Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before."
"I know," he said.... "but the bloody darts team hadn't!

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An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball. The barber replied:"Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".

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Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jelly and ice cream. It's a breeze." The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." "Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born... Couldn't walk for a year."

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A young Catholic priest decided to enter a monastery. He joined one particularly strict sect. The head monk told him, at his indoctrination, that they were sworn to TOTAL silence. They could not speak one word at all. However, every ten years, they would be permitted to speak two words.After 10 years of total silence, the head monk indicated it was now time for him to speak his two words. The monk said, “Bed hard!” And then he resumed his silent study and work.Another 10 years passed and the head monk again indicated it was time for him to speak his two words. The monk said, “Food bad!” And then he resumed his silent study and work.Another 10 years passed and the head monk again indicated it was time for him to speak his two words. The monk said, “I quit!”The head monk shook his head and said, “I knew this was coming. You’ve done nothing but complain for the past 30 years!”

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I asked the wife what she wants for Christmas this year "some chocolate and a Nice surprise would be lovely " she replied . Kinder egg It is then !

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A radio station is offering a round the world trip if you can come up with a word thats not in the dictionary and can be put into a sentence. A jamacian calls and says "ma word is gwan, spelt g.w.a.n and ma sentence is "gwan f@rk yourself!" DJ hangs up and apologises to his listeners! 5 mins later a guy calls and said "Ma word is Smee, spelt s.m.e.e. The DJ says ok, now what is your sentence. The guy says "smee again, gwan f@rk yourself!"

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I bought some of these flavoured condoms the other day. Said to my wife, "Let's have a game - I put one on and you try to guess what flavour it is."She closed her eyes, went under the blanket and said, "Cheese and onion flavour." I said, "For f@rk's sake, give me time to put one on."