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23-12-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,852 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,615
Liked 6,583 Times in 4,358 Posts
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A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate **********, and the ********** bank pays $100."
The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"********** bank," she says with her mouth full
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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23-12-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,852 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,615
Liked 6,583 Times in 4,358 Posts
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As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table.
One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes.
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills.
He asks his wife "What's up with all the notes?"
His wife replies, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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23-12-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,852 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,615
Liked 6,583 Times in 4,358 Posts
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Preston Police have named a man that attempted to blow up a shopping centre with an asthma inhaler and matches on Thursday, Bin Wheezin is believed to have acted alone!!.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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24-12-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,852 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,615
Liked 6,583 Times in 4,358 Posts
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You know you're drunk when you get home from the pub, put food in the microwave and then enter your PIN number.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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24-12-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,852 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,615
Liked 6,583 Times in 4,358 Posts
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The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene,
but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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24-12-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,852 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,615
Liked 6,583 Times in 4,358 Posts
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A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."
"Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house."
The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?"
The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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24-12-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,852 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,615
Liked 6,583 Times in 4,358 Posts
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I went to see my doctor this morning.
"How can I help you?" she asked.
"I found a lump while I was in the bath," I replied, pointing downwards.
"Oh right," she said, "Take your trousers down for me."
After having a good old feel of my bollocks for a few minutes, she said, "I can't feel a lump."
I said, "It's on my toe!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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