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14-01-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,852 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,615
Liked 6,583 Times in 4,358 Posts
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live in constant fear that someone will rob and murder my mother in law who lives all alone and has diamonds and a lot of cash in her safe.She lives at 48 Main Street linksfield, its a pink house with a green gate and its got no alarm system! 
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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14-01-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,852 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,615
Liked 6,583 Times in 4,358 Posts
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I just burnt 3,200 calories.
I forgot my ********ing pizza was in the oven.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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16-01-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,852 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,615
Liked 6,583 Times in 4,358 Posts
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I went into a butcher's in cardiff the other day.
"Be with you in a minute!" shouts a voice from the back "I'm just boning a lamb"
I mean come on.. we know all the welsh are at it ......but have some degree of dignity.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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16-01-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,852 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,615
Liked 6,583 Times in 4,358 Posts
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A nun, badly needing to use the toilet, walked into a local pub..
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the toilet?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the pub. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the toilet?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a drink?"
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on the statue, the lights go out.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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16-01-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,852 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,615
Liked 6,583 Times in 4,358 Posts
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Got home from work. The wife said, I've just caught ya son in his bedroom Masterbating and watching porn. Go and have a word with him. Ok I said. So I walked into his bedroom and said, ya know Masterbating damages your eyes. He said, I'm over here dad.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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16-01-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,852 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,615
Liked 6,583 Times in 4,358 Posts
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The best way to smuggle drugs is to place them up a dog's arse.
That way, if the sniffer dog suspects anything, the officials will think they're just being frisky!!.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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16-01-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,852 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,615
Liked 6,583 Times in 4,358 Posts
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The sad circle of life
When i was a kid i used to crawl down the stairs pretending to be spider man
Now as an adult i crawl up the stairs pretending to be ********ing sober.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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